And Big Plans

     Photo Credit: Christina Sees

     It's currently 9 PM PST as I write this. Therefore, I still have a few more hours left of 2011. Let the contemplation and self reflection continue. This year, I've shared more with you than I ever have in previous years. You've been with me through all the ups and downs of faux romance, awkward scenarios and awakened dreams while following my blog. Thank you for toughing it out with me.

     In these last few hours of 2011, like many of us, I had to face the Hallway of Disappointment: No, I didn't write to you everyday, as I had set out to do in the beginning of this year. No, I didn't meet and marry the man of my dreams. And no, I haven't finished my feature length script yet.

     Doing a year review/recap can be a bit sobering (à la, depressing), but not if you factor in the grace and mercy that has accompanied you along the way.

     Sure, I didn't write to you every day, but I did write to you every month and I was painfully honest.  True, I didn't meet my husband boo yet. But I have met some amazing and kind men this year, that will definitely give him a run for his money (And yes, I currently have a new crush--Ha). And although my feature length script isn't finished yet, it is still in progress. In fact, I've registered my outline with the WGA to keep me motivated and focused.

     As a recovering perfectionist, it's still hard to come to terms with my failures, whether they be big or small, but in 2011 I've made huge strides in learning to forgive myself of my many shortcomings and to allow for growth in those sensitive areas.

     But mostly, the Hallway of Disappointment is just that, a hallway. It's not a wall. In fact, it's not even a picket fence to keep you trapped. It's a hallway, leading you from one place of seeming defeat to a place of clear and ready victory.

     The hallway is necessary. It keeps us humble. It keeps us honest. It makes us appreciate the riches that we will soon encounter.

     I look forward to stepping out of the Hallway of 2011 into the steady heartbeat of a ready and fulfilling 2012 with you.

     Amen.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Let go, Let go, Let go...and Let God.

No Love For the Aunties. And I'm a Liar.

     

     Why do I always do this to myself. Every Christmas. But honestly, this year, I was much better. I started 5 days before Christmas this year instead of 2 days before to tackle the masses (A.K.A. "The Battlefield) Christmas shopping.

     I cannot tell you how many people I've elbowed in the last few days. Ok. That might be a slight exaggeration...Or it might not be.

     And though the Crazies are acting like straight up zombies--wait. Is there a difference between Crazies and Zombies? As I was saying, even though it's been a mad house, I've been on fire with my shopping skills--Picking the right check-out lanes (Not the lane where the cash register breakdowns, or someone forgot to grab the item with an actual price tag on it, etc, etc.), getting crazy discounts, and finding heartfelt greeting cards for my family members. But one family member almost got left out.

     I dare you to go to your local store and find a Christmas card for your Aunt. I mean, am I the only one out there that has an Aunt? Didn't think so. But I may be 1 of 5 people that actually sends their Aunt a Christmas card.

     I saw spaces for the "Uncles" everywhere. But when I looked for "Aunts"--Yeah, nowhere to be found. It took me 3 stores to find a card addressed specifically for an Auntie. I see how it is Hallmark. No love for the Aunties on Christmas? Aunties need love too.

     And secondly, I have a confession to make. I'm a liar.

     I visited one of my favorite stores during my Christmas shopping adventure. The store where people wear house shoes and pajamas and can eat fast food while possibly getting their nails done and cashing a check. Nonetheless, as ghetto as this place is, I still love it.

     So I was on the hunt for one of my last Christmas gifts. I had surgeon like concentration. And then--"Wait, wait--" says this 18 (mayyybe 19) year old boy to his Tupac looking friend.

     I could feel it coming.

     "Ehh. You gotta boyfrin" says the young light skinned black teenager directly to me. The Tupac look alike stands off to the side to give his boy some space. Uh-oh. This is serious.

     I was already facing him but I was unable to make true eye contact with him. Not because I was shy or fully embarrassed (Just partially), but because this fool was so high, he could barely keep his eyes open.

     Before I could answer him--"Whutch yo name?" He asks.

     And with precision diarrehea of the mouth, I blurted out, "Puh-trees" as ghetto as I could. In my mind, I was thinking, Why did you just say it like that dummy and WHY did you give him your real name--Agh!!

     "So you gotta boyfrin?" he persists.

     And here it comes.

      I deadlocked on his half faded eyes with an array of shoppers walking all around us and with full confidence and with no hesitation, I said:

     "Yes. Yes I do."

Wisdom's Knocking:

The truth is not always convenient.

The Everywhere

     

     You know when you start seeing a series of numbers everywhere you turn? For instance, every time you look at the clock it's either 4:11 or 12:12 or 4:44. You sense something magical is happening, but often times your not quite sure what it is. And you continue to follow the clues left along this curious trail.

     Well there's one month in the year that seems to sprinkle more magic on me than any of the other months of the year. It becomes a month of discovery and contemplation. And this December has been no different.

     These clues come in the form of dreams, words of encouragement from others, or specific images that happen to find their way to me.

     One of my all time favorite movies: Three Colors: Red (Which happens to be a French film), plays with this idea of clues and how connected we are to another, even worlds away in our own sphere of influences.

     You've read my blog post about my fascination with "Six degrees of Separation". And as this year comes to a close, I've been reawakened by my love for all things French. My memories of being in Paris are being highlighted to me in a very strong way. It's sort of been creeping up on me throughout this entire year. But why? And just when I think my Paris thoughts and clues were isolated to just my crazy mind, people begin to talk about Paris around me.

     So now, I'm just following the clues. My heart is expectant and curious.

     I love my Brits. All day. Please believe. But there is something about the French sensibility that I connect with in a strong way. I have, since my early teen years.

     And mostly, I'm wayyyy over the brooding men of Hollywood, the self-absorbed lifestyle of these would-be famous men, although they are quite beautiful and talented seem to often lack the freedom that an unpretentious life can bring.

     What I find most sexy in a man is generosity.

     Second to that, humor. Which, that trait in itself contains a strong sense of intellect of which I'm also drawn to.

     So who is my new celebrity crush?

     Benjamin Duterde.

     Otherwise known as: "Ben L'Oncle Soul"

     I'm drawn to people that have a contagious joy for life. And Ben seems to be no exception. Add in the mix that he's French, sings like Otis Redding, and wears a bow tie pretty much seals the deal.

     So for all those folks out there that couldn't picture me with a prototype male celebrity last week, let me help you out. Ha. Ben would be it. Hands down.

Note: And yes, this boo, is currently taken. This is info gathered per my internet stalkery. Nevertheless, I can appreciate Ben as my heart's desired prototype. Yes. I'm just puttin' it out there. Amen.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Rest assured, the random paint strokes will come together to form a brilliant masterpiece.

If You Could See Me With any Male Celebrity--Who Would It Be?

     

     Oh my word. I am crushing hard on a celebrity today. I'll fully disclose who it is in the next blog. And I'll break down why I have a crush on this certain individual. This new crush has mostly given me clues (and perhaps you as well) as to what I'm most attracted to.

     But I was having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday, who said a line that I've been hearing for the past 10 years, if not a bit longer:

"I just don't know who is actually worthy enough for you." 

     Mind you, this was not in response to me downloading a list of my requirements and credentials for my future boo. In fact, my list is fairly simple. My dear friend's remarks were simply out of love for me as I chatted away about how excited I am to meet my future boo.

     And as much as I appreciate such an honorable statement from countless friends and family, regarding who could possibly be found worthy of me. It's a bit frustrating to hear year after year. I don't need the perfect boo. I just need my boo.

     So instead of you trying to hook me up with your friend's cousin's brother's uncle. I wanted to do a little fun experiment. This experiment will also give me a better idea of how you view me and who you think would be worthy of me according to the perceived character traits and appearance of your named celebrity. So with that said, why don't you tell me which celebrity you could or would see me with in a pretend world: Ready, set, go!

Wisdom's Knocking:

Writing goals and visions down are not only beneficial for the memory, 

but also an enforcer of hope.

Boy-friends, Girl-friends

     

     It's the most wonderful time of the year.

     But yet, it's also the time of the year when many people feel themselves falling into a tunnel of depression.

     You thought Valentine's Day hurt your heart? Try the constant reminder of love and magic all around you in the shape of snowflakes, peppermint mochas, and fireplaces. I mean, this all just screams romance to me, especially as a single person. Maybe I'm the only one. But this beautiful holiday season begs to be shared with the ones you love. Yes, family. The tried and true--whom in most cases will never leave you. But often times we are reaching for that other person. A romantic figure to set sail with to Paris, Denmark, Africa, Brazil, or New Zealand. Your choice.

     Nevertheless, you and I might be tempted to simply grab any John or Jane nearby. Or we might try and latch on to one of our trusted guy friends or lady friends as a quick fix and substitute for a substantial and meaningful romance, when you know in your gut it ain't gonna really last. You can't explain why you know this, but you just do.

     But certain men folk are looking too holiday cuddly to me. Yes. I said it. "Holiday Cuddly".  And I find myself wanting to throw caution to the wind.

     I know some of you just cheered right now. And the other half of you just cringed. I'm more on the cringing side when it comes to such lofty ideas. Or least in this particular scenario. There are certain things I know in my gut. You know what I'm talking about. That thing that tells you, "Please don't do this, you'll regret it later..." Some of you sense that, but choose to ignore it anyway. But I get urked if I try and live in that place of "I know better than this, but I'm gonna do stupid stuff anyway" for too long. I used to be able to live in that place for a majority of the year...then it became a few months....and then a few weeks, until now--Of which I can maybe pull it off for a few days and then I find myself weeping miserably.

     Remember my past blog post, "Mixed Signals = No Signal"? Let's also just remind ourselves how much more confusing and awkward we can make this holiday season by mixing in premature or selfish ambition towards someone who is close to us, but may not be on the same page with us romantically speaking. And I'm talking about those girl-boy friendships that have been established as such. Just friendship with a DTR (Define the Relationship), included. And ladies you know how I feel about girls trying to make the first move. DON'T.

     Yes, of course you can manipulate all the live long day in those girl-guy friendships to make them your holiday romantic filler. But at the end of the day, you'll have to work even harder to keep your sanity and the relationship. Which in the end, after the lust is gone, may not  have been worth it to begin with anyway.

     So today, I'm reminding myself of the things my heart truly wants. Not just what my body wants.

Wisdom's Knocking:

It's important to remind yourself of what your heart truly wants...for the long run.

The Russians and I

  Photo Credit: Ashley Johnson

   

     No I'm not a spy. At least I don't think I am.

     But I found it oddly peculiar that I got 12 distinct hits on my blog from Russia.

     I know what you're thinking. "Wow, Patrice, 12 hits? Yeah. It's time to call the Po-Po's". Shut it.

     My humble blog is only frequented by you and a few others on a regular basis. Therefore, I take pride in disclosing all my personal business, knowing that only 10 of you are out there reading this---until yesterday. I don't know if I want to be on the Russian radar. I'm just saying.

     But if you are from Russia and reading this. All I have to say is one thing:

     I love Russia.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Sometimes when you think you are hiding, your arm may actually be peeking out, unbeknownst to you.

British Invasion Part IV

Helloooooo, Superman.

No really. That's Henry Cavill. And he's playing the new Superman in 2012 [ 6/4/2013 Correction: in 2013].

:::::

Superman: Easy, miss. I've got you. 

Lois Lane: You - you've got me? Who's got you?

Wisdom's Knocking:

You don't have to try and play Superman in your own life. In fact, your life may be better if you stop trying so hard to be him.

I Wanted

     Photography By: Antonio Pena

     I wanted to write to you today about feeling frustrated. But then I got frustrated about having to write it down.

     But squeezing past that frustration, I'm going to write anyhow. Sometimes, just showing up is 80% of the battle--not just half.

     What do you do, when you know someone is stepping into something not quite right? Yes, you can do the usual: Warn them, jump in front them, or simply hold onto their feet.

     But what if they insist on moving forward.

     I guess they'll do just that. They'll end up doing what they want to do. And perhaps my perspective is incredibly biased. No. In fact it is. Emotions are a fickle drug. They'll make you feel less than human one minute, and then define the bliss of human experience the next minute.

     Sometimes we don't always get what we want.

     Are we okay with that?

Wisdom's Knocking:

If you feel agitated and frustrated with life, it's best to talk it out with someone other than yourself, to simply add perspective.

When Smart Girls Act Dumb

     Photographer: Ashley Johnson

     We've all seen it. Perhaps you've been the culprit. But it always astounds me how a grown woman can miss such important social cues. Meaning, if a man doesn't show you respect, honor, and kindness upon a first impression, chances are that man does not see your value and does not want to invest in you.

     You may be the type to extend grace beyond a first impression. And I tip my hat to you. But if the man repeatedly shows you disrespect, you've clearly let him know how you really think of yourself: Cheap and of no worth.

     Therefore, the man in his great immaturity and pride will allow you to be degraded and hurt, with him feeling no remorse, because you have come into a silent agreement with him that you are not worth being truly treasured and appreciated.

     And don't think I've forgotten those lovely men who at first impression seem every bit as gentle and loving, only to show themselves as monsters a few months later. The same notion of getting smart applies here. Unless the man is willing to sincerely change, don't get caught in a dumb cycle of a trap.

     But I implore you, oh my smart sisters. Don't be the girl that has to have a man on her arm to feel complete. And don't loose yourself to the misplaced identity of another. You'll soon learn to regret it.

     If you lack an understanding of your worth, chances are someone will either want to define it for you in either good or bad ways.

     With that said, get to know who you are first. Understand that you are beautiful, worthy, smart, desirable, and funny. Yes. You were and are all these things, even before Joe Schmoe came up and told you you were. But with the knowledge of your worth and true beauty, you'll be able to appreciate his observations with true humility and love, instead of feeding off of his words like crack cocaine, as if his words were your defining life source.

     And if we want to get a little deep here, begin to understand some of your actions and motives. Like why you do some of the things you do. Yes, you are a worthy catch, but believe me, you are far from perfect (I'm preaching to myself as well).

     With all that said, I implore you my sisters. Be smart. So if someone spits a dumb line at you, you won't fall for it hook, line, and sinker--

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Ain't it strange the way we're ignorant 
How we seek out bad advice 
How we jigger it and figure it 
Mistaking value for the price
And play a game with time and love 
Like pair of rolling dice..." 

-- "So Beautiful, So What", by Paul Simon

British Invasion Part III

     

     So when I started looking into the behind-the-scenes footage of "Doctor Who" stars, Matt Smith and Karen Gillan, I found such a sweet surprise.

     There was a slew of Comic-Con San Diego footage of the two co-stars. But for me, finding a couple of interviews they did together completely made my heart leap.

     You know how much I love Love. And how excited I get when there's true romance being expressed. Well these two folks, Matt and Karen, have some of the best chemistry I have ever seen. And to my disappointment they were not dating. In fact, they both still have significant others. Whyyyy.

     Seeing those two laugh and chat together was like a double whammy for me. Not only did they carry the British swag, but they had a stellar shared sense of humor. And yes, they're both beautiful. But when they're around one another, they become even more beautiful. Yes. Cheesy I know. I can't help myself. But they are true of the cliche, that they bring out the best in one another. Truly complimentary.

    And it got me thinking. "Yes. That's what I want. That's what I've been wanting all along."

    I know what you're thinking Does my future boo have to have an accent, dress well, and be a superstar? Not necessarily. But it wouldn't hurt him one bit. But for me, the deal-breaker has always been a shared sense of humor. And going down the line... Someone who is strong, not afraid to smile--even when pictures aren't being taken. Someone who is intentional and brave. Considerate and kind. And someone who is intelligent enough to asks questions, but not bullheaded enough to think they know all the answers. In one word: Humble.

     And that brings me back to Andrew Garfield and my other British love, Andrew-Lee Potts. Last year around this time, I happened to catch the SyFy's channel, "Alice". A modern day take on the "Alice in Wonderland" story. Andrew-Lee played the Mad Hatter and did a brilliant job. His Mad Hatter was fierce, selfish, eccentric and at the same time, somehow believably vulnerable. Beyond the "Alice" credit, Andrew-Lee was also in the HBO mini-series "Band of Brothers".

     I was recently re-introduced to Andrew-Lee again this year through the BBC show, "Primeval". And I thought to myself, "Yep. He's a keeper."

     But more to come on why, he's been labeled as such in my mind.

     Mostly, I would love to be "Best Mates" as the Brits would say, or "Best Friends" with my future boo. And if he happens to carry that British Swag. More power to him.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Write the vision down and make it plain.

British Invasion Part II

   

     If you've followed a few of my posts in the last few months, you've probably noticed a couple of "Doctor Who" related posts. "Doctor Who" is a British show that's been airing on the BBC since 1963. The premise revolves around "The Doctor" who looks human, but is actually a Time Lord alien with 2 hearts. He is able to do what his name suggests, travel throughout space and time and he also takes along a few lucky "Companions" to travel the galaxies with him. Many times "The Doctor" is saving earth and human beings from absolute destruction. Other times it's a battle across the galaxies.

     The story lines in "Doctor Who" are so much fun. Especially when "The Doctor" is going back to historical events that we all would know (i.e. World War 1, Pompeii, etc.). Another fun fact about "The Doctor" is that he is able to regenerate. Meaning, if he sustains severe illness or injury, he could undergo a complete physical change. A new body. And of course that works well for  a TV show. You can always make it fresh every few years with a new actor to play "The Doctor". And that's exactly what the show has done since 1963. Matt Smith, the actor who currently plays the title role, is the 11th Doctor.

     With "Doctor Who" you can literally jump in the show at almost any episode and get caught up to how it all works. But beware, you may get sucked in. Steven Moffat, the current lead writer for the show, is a mad genius. I truly think he's one of the absolute best Sci-Fi Television show writers out there. And the fact that a writer can constantly play with space and time, can often make your brain hurt with these stories over the span of entire season.

     Oh my goodness. I just remembered that I also had a dream of Matt Smith last night. Weird. He already knew my name and was walking my friend and I to the front row of this event. Oddly enough, he was the star of the event.

     Okay. I'm back.

     But there's just something about "The Doctor" that gets my heart every time. I'm emotionally pulled in. And each actor that plays The Doctor has this thing about them. I don't know how to completely describe it. But it's this thing transfers into their portrayal of The Doctor. Mostly, you just want to hang out with these folks.

     So, you know me, I'm always interested in the Behind-the-Scenes. I mean, aren't you? And so, I happen to catch some (And by catch, I mean, I implored serious detective work) great behind the scenes footage of the actor who plays the current Doctor--Matt Smith.

    And what I found completely changed my life...

Wisdom's Knocking:

Curiosity is just the beginning.

British Invasion Part I

     This post series is dedicated to Ms. Tiffany and all the other fine folks out there that love the sweetness and swagger of a true Brit.

     I used to think that my east coast boys held the monopoly on swagger. But once again, I've been proven wrong.

     This all stems from my recent conversation with a good friend of mine. Both of us single, we recapped on our love for a good strong accent. Needless to say, I had this wacky dream with Craig David in it last night. I digress.

     But it's been stirred in my heart once again, that God has someone completely stellar and brilliant for me. A man that simply gets me. I'm constantly surrounded by beautiful and handsome people. Even men that I would have attraction to, but not necessarily chemistry with. I'm not simply looking for beauty, swagger, and the like. But you know. Love.

Wisdom's Knocking:

It's amazing how much clarity ensues regarding one's dreams as one grows older.

Without Worry

     What would it be like to not worry. To not be that person that thrives on drama or the possibility of something always going wrong. What if your mindset was always in the realm of something constantly going right?

     I was observing a friend of mine. We'll call this friend "Harry". Once Harry had one area of his life under perceived control, like clock work he found something else creep up to bring him new, fresh worry and anxiety.  I didn't say anything the first few times I saw this behavior. In fact, I didn't even recognize it as a cyclic behavior, because I too would be sucked into the vortex of this new worrying danger of Harry's.

     These worries were not made up, they in fact were valid. But sometimes you can't just talk about how big the giant is, how much armor he has on, how loud his voice is, or how scary his friends appear. Sometimes, you have to let it go. You have to let go of the thought that you actually control things. Stop white knuckling the results. Leave the results up to God. The One that is Love.

     See, your propensity to experience goodness, good things happening to you, and great love has yet to be truly tapped. Could it be that you are draining your love and victory receivers by pouring energy into the jar of worry.

     Once that jar fills up, it immediately falls over, proving to hold nothing worthwhile but wasted time.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Worrying does nothing to add to the stature of your approaching victory.

I Pulled the Trigger

     Photographer: Ashley Johnson

     You know I've been talking a great deal about humility in this season. But I just can't get enough of it right now. I mean the fruit of humility is astounding. When you think you've sacrificed so much, only to realize that the gain is far more greater than you could have ever imagined. It leaves you a bit stunned.

     With that said, I had another test in the realm of humility and grace. I had to walk out and see for myself if forgiveness was the powerful force that I believed it to be. And note, the extension of forgiveness is not just towards another, but is also towards ourselves. Which I've learned, can be the hardest expression of forgiveness in the end.

    And so, my thorn in the flesh appeared. Yes as a person. But I felt no animosity or anger. In fact I felt freedom. It's one thing to speak the truth in a situation. It's another to speak it motivated by the trigger of love. And I won. Not an argument. But a life lesson.

     We all have those people in our lives that rub us the wrong way. But realize the irration is actually an exfoliation on the calloused areas of our own hearts.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Haters are gonna hate. But in your heart, let love remain.

Things That Make Me Happy

I once joined a Facebook Group Page titled: "Dulé Hill is a G".

This is why:

Wisdom's Knocking:

It's time to bring some pizzazz back into yo life.

When I Judge

     I literally just looked at someone's email address and whispered to myself, "I can't trust them". Why would I say such a thing? Why? Because they had a Hotmail email account instead of a Gmail account.

     Yes, I will judge you if you are seemingly stuck in 1999 and/or you happen to use the Internet via the upcoming program called Prodigy.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Be aware of the times.

When You Feel Good

   
     There was a moment at that costume party, this past weekend where I felt so... me. I pay attention to those moments. What truly defines those moments as mine. And I can think of one word for it: Freedom.

     Through the embarrassment and pain of last month's "Hypocrite" moment, I've been catapulted into this new level freedom. It's as if something has clicked back into place in my heart, mind, and body.

     I was having lunch with a very good friend of mine a couple weeks back. And I was recapping this friend on the whole situation of last month, from the pain to the unexpected and overwhelming feeling of freedom and courage I was now feeling. And that friend of mine basically summed up my recent journey in a great way: "It's as if the worst possible thing that could have happened, happened. And now that you've faced it and confronted it, nothing can intimidate you in the same way again."

     Yes. Freedom.

Wisdom's Knocking: 

Sometimes the worst thing can turn out to be the best thing.

Roscoe's and a Kardashian

     

     So I decided to dress up as Agatha Christie's, crime solving character, Miss Marple for a costume party this past weekend. And of course, I would unknowingly pick a character that is noted for being a "Spinster".  But let's move past that, I didn't realize she was a Spinster until after I had already committed to playing her. I was mostly enamored with her ability to solve crimes.

     I've already shared with you my recent obsession with Law and Order: UK, which in turn has stirred up the crime solver in me.  You have no idea how much joy that show gives me. It encompasses my love for British accents with a gritty portrayal of crime and justice to boot. And in concordance with the theme of mysteries, my current love for the long running BBC show, Doctor Who, has also fed my growing interest in solving peculiar riddles and such.

     Now that I think about it, my favorite novels growing up were always murder mystery type books.

     But back to my Miss Marple moment. I was wearing a pimp like fur coat (Yes, faux. Don't PETA me). I felt absolutely giddy with swagger. I was a cross between Cruella De Vil, Miss Marple, and that crazy lady you see talking to herself on the street corner. With that said, I worked my funny little costume that night. I mean, you just gotta own it. Be brave.

     And I remember thinking that I would either meet my future husband looking like this or something significant would take place that would mark me as the lady with the fur coat. I mean, I'm in Southern California with a fur coat on. It looked so ridiculous. But oh, so right for me.

     Next stop after the party: Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles off of Sunset Blvd. And yes, I decided to stay in costume. And no, it wasn't Halloween, so inevitably people would assume that I dressed like this on a daily basis. But I had convinced myself that I didn't care.

     So both my friend and I step into Roscoe's. We order and take in the atmosphere full of eclectic on-goings. Before I know it, an entourage starts flooding in and filling the tables right next to us. It's important to mention that Roscoe's is pretty cozy. Tables and chairs are pretty close to one another. So you may very well hear the entire conversations of those around you.

     The entourage settles in. And sitting right next to us is the lovely Rob Kardashian. Yes, there were so many things I wanted to ask him. Like..."What was the name of that girl from 3LW that you used to date?", "What's your favorite ballroom dance?", "Was your sister's marriage real??", etc.

     But then I looked down at what I was wearing. My fur coat. I couldn't even take myself seriously. Let alone risk being caught in some random TMZ photo with my fur coat on. Marked forever as the Fur Coat Lady.

     And so I just laughed at myself and the situation. And for the rest of my time at Roscoe's, the Kardashian entourage remained but I managed to enjoy the company I was with and my succulent #13. All this while trying to not appear awkward towards the Kardashian entourage and the fans asking for photo opportunities all around me in my pimp-like fur coat.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Stay ready and you won't have to get ready at the last minute.

What It Do

Wisdom's Knocking:

What good is it to gain the whole world, but lose your soul...

It Was All Yellow

     And with that said, who has listened to the new Coldplay album? What do you love about it? What don't you love about? Don't throw bricks at me just yet, but I have yet to listen to it. I have high expectations, and I'm just afraid they won't be met...

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Look at the stars, 

Look how they shine for you..."

Not Just a Mug

Wisdom's Knocking:

Some things are richer are on the inside than they are on the outside.

Remember

     

     Remember when I set out to write a blog each day? Yes, it was much like my New Year's Resolution. And then something happened midway through this year, I started writing a screenplay. And now I often feel that most of my brain juice is spent on that particular lovechild. Therefore, when it comes time to chatting with you lovely folks, my mind is a bit fried.

     But I did want to catch you up on some things in my life. I still hope to blog like a maniac in these closing months of the year. But I'm also prepared to forgive myself if I don't fulfill my exact quota.

     To kick my quota into gear, I'm about to treat this blog, much like a "Tumblr" page for the next few weeks. I'll be posting a series of photos and videos that inspire me. I'll continue to add my "Wisdom's Knocking" to the end of each post and I would still love to hear your thoughts and comments if you so desire to share.

     Oh, and what's going on with me? Just my whole life finally coming into alignment with dreams and destiny. No big deal.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Great works of art take love, passion, and time.

Wonder Who

     Photo Credit: Christina Sees

     With all this news of wedding engagements in the air, I wanted to address the issue of those folks that have completely surprised us all. You know what I'm talking about. If it hasn't happened to you this season or in seasons past, it will happen to you in the future.

     And with that said, I don't want you to get discouraged. On the contrary, I want you to be encouraged by such a revelation.

     I've recently seen with my own eyes and heard through other grapevine vineyards of specific individuals, who we once thought un-relational in the truest form of the word. And here they are: Engaged to be married.

     I mean, if that person can get married, surely God has someone for you and I. --I'm just sayin'.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Like a doppelgänger, you have a match out there. Trust.

I'm In Love With Love

Wisdom's Knocking:

Chemistry is Chemistry.

Like an Adult

     Photo Credit: Kaitlyn Blosser

     I'm watching an interesting documentary right now, and I'm mostly fascinated with the speech and vocabulary of each character. It got me thinking...When did we start speaking like grown-ups, like true adults?

     I've realized that my vocabulary now includes words like: Dichotomy, Sustainable, Juxtaposed, Commitment, Boo, Sweet Pea, and other Adult Words. And let's be clear, by Adult Words, I'm not including or talking about colorful cussing. We all know that you don't have to be an adult to know and exercise such vocabulary.

     I'm simply talking about that moment we've transitioned from adolescence to adulthood in the way in which we speak to one another.

     And although most of us still feel like awkward teenagers, there's something in our speech that would stress otherwise. But what does it mean to talk like an adult? Perhaps one that speaks from a temperament of patience and wisdom, comfortable in one's own skin, void of pretention, open to critique, and humble at heart. Perhaps this is what our speech is transitioning towards as we include more Adult words. But it may not be the case for everyone.

    Which begs the question: Are we talking more like adults or hurt children?

Wisdom's Knocking:

Adult: "A person who is fully grown or developed".

Credit: Google Dictionary

99 Problems

     

     I'm a freelancer. Which simply translates to the beautiful fact that I do not subscribe to 9-5 job. I'm free to be an artist, a mentor, a writer, a director, a dancer, etc. Doesn't it all sound romantic. Indeed it is.

     But let me also paint another side to this portrait. I'm a hustler.

     If anyone tells you that being a freelancer is easy, they are on some serious 1985 cocaine.

     Being a freelancer is not for the faint of heart. It takes a person of ridiculous, crazy, and often stupid-looking faith to walk out this career path successfully.

     It takes discipline and moxie. And it takes vision and drive. And it always, and I mean always entails the virtue of humility.

     As one decides to pursue one's dream whole-heartedly, there will be great sacrifice. For me, it came in the form of my residence.

     In order for me to successfully pay off student loans from film school (Think "Mortgage Payment" and then double that), to not have a typical work schedule, and to follow the dreams God placed in my heart, I made my permanent residence back at my parent's home a few years back.  What? Yes, after living on my own for 10 years in the Los Angeles area, I trekked it back home (Which is still fairly close for work and such). At first I was so ashamed. But now, I'm incredibly grateful.

     But let me tell you. As a freelancer, there are those seasons where you feel like completely throwing in the towel. Often times it's "Feast or Famine", which can swing you in all kinds of directions emotionally.  I recently had one of my "Famine" seasons. There just wasn't enough money to go around. And I had run out of my hustler strategies. I cried. And cried some more. And then I went to the library.

     I needed a new strategy.

     Apparently I wasn't the only one. Go visit your local library, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about after being there for 10 minutes.

     So I go to the library, completely broke, but I find some great books on financial budgeting, etc. So I go to check out my books, and I discover that I had been framed. A book I had returned months prior in the outside "Return Bin", had been mysteriously misplaced (AKA "Missing") and my library card was temporarily suspended and now I had a nice charge for a book I didn't even get to own. I couldn't even get a free book from the library.

     Yes. I cried some more. In the library. Next to the homeless man talking to himself.

     But the librarian had mercy on me and allowed me to check out my books.

     And today, I just booked a gig for the month of December through January. Praise!

     And I'm still steady working in October and November. Not fully enough to cover all my bills, but definitely enough to get things crackin'.

     With that said, I'll continue to be diligent with my financial budgeting and persistently believe that the best is yet to come. I'll continue pursuing my writing, my T.V. production freelancing, my mentoring of teenagers, and naps in the middle of the day.

:::

     And to you my fellow dreamer: I know I have painted a bit of a scary picture. But I want you to know that I am more fulfilled than I have ever been in my life. And I didn't have to do this all alone. And neither will you.

     I have been surrounded by a beautiful community of artists that are walking out a similar journey to my own in their respective fields of music, photography, dance, fashion, business, life coaching, filmmaking, etc. And we continue to encourage one another when the pendulum swings in a direction we weren't necessarily prepared for.

     So, don't get discouraged if your artist's journey is looking more like a Broke Down Palace situation. I have full confidence that God will bring you through. And surprise and delight you along the way.

Wisdom's Knocking:

But what we lack is far less meaningful than what we've already gained.

Eye Patch of Bitterness

     So maybe you don't see complete and utter darkness. But somehow, your vision is still askew. It's like you're wearing an eye patch. But funny thing is, you don't even need an eye patch. So why wear one? It looks cool? It feels comforting? Everyone is wearing one? Yeah. That seems to be the trend these days.

     Eye Patches.

     Is life is too scary to live with both eyes open?


     Too many questions? Would you like another eye patch? No? Because that would make you feel blind? But you are almost blind as it is. No? It's not the same thing. Yes. You're right. I'm wrong.

     But at least I'm not wearing an eye patch that I don't need.

     Instead, I'll stick with my View-Master.

Wisdom's Knocking:

You won't need an eye patch forever.

Wandering Eye

Photo Credit: Daniella Hovsepian

      So I was at church a few weeks back and there he was. The guy with the wandering eye. You know who I'm talking about. And if you don't, you're probably that guy.

     I love how I always seem to catch people in the most awkward of settings. I usually catch people doing the funniest and most inappropriate things, and of course all when they think no one is looking. Well no one was meant to see it, but somehow I did and always do.

     So this particular Sunday, I watched as one of my beautiful and attractive younger friends walked into the room. And then, unintentionally I looked to the left of her. Everyone else seemed to be distracted by this, that, and the other. But not me. I had precision timing. My timing was so perfect that I had about 3.5 interrupted seconds of seeing this guy stare betwixt, looking as if he wanted to sop her up like a biscuit or cuddle her like a kitten. I honestly couldn't tell.

     Mister, did you not notice how you looked from an outside perspective? I mean, did you really think you were that slick? If you had stood there another 1.5 seconds, you would have definitely given yourself a creeper nomination.

     But instead, like an old man coming out of an accidental nap while standing up, you somehow snapped out of it. You kept most of your composure and walked out of the room as if no one had seen your lapse of pimp life.

     And there you have it. Just when you think no one sees. Someone does.

     And if not right away. Sooner or later.

Wisdom's Knocking:

As human beings, we are far more readable than we'd like to believe.

HYPOCRITE

      

     Dear Readers:

     It's been a while since I've engaged with you. There has been a heavy steel weight of things floating and landing in the atmosphere. Certain unfinished business has been declared finished, but not in the way in which I imagined them to be finished. And before you get scared. No, I am not turning my back on my blog. But other creative endeavors have been fully shut down in the last week.

     Noted, as one door closes another is swift to open. Wait. Perhaps I have been a bit to liberal with my use of the word "swift". Rather, when one door closes, another door is sure to open--but when that door is to open, no one seems to quite know with strong certainty.

     But let me not talk around events. Let me point you to the direct problem in this scenario and chain of events: ME

     I have come face to face with my own hypocrisy. And not only did I face it, I saw the chain of events that led to hurting another individual involved in my creative endeavor. For over a year, we all, as a collaborative team, worked for the better good of a specific artistic vision.

      And I, through my own negligence and pride let everyone, including myself down.

     Oh, how we ought to not think too highly of ourselves, for as surely as such false heights are attained, it  will transfer into the speed of one's own deception and fall.

     How do you right such a wrong?

     First, take responsibility for it. Don't do the classic "Hot Potato" act and blame it on everyone else. Secondly, "Get Low". No, not the dance move, but an act of the heart. It's time to eat some "Humble Pie". In my case, I honestly took some time to share with others (Trusted Friends) the big mistake I had made and the great act of hypocrisy I had committed (Including my deep embarrassment). Afterwards, I prayed for strength and grace. And then I confronted the offended person via an email response.

     It was not my attempt to get back on this particular project. But to stop perpetuating my own self righteousness and allow true Love to reign in this situation.

     Are there ways in which you are leading a hypocritical life? What are the two different messages you are sending? Who has been affected by your hypocrisy? You may think no one, especially if such conflicting actions happened behind closed doors. But if those doors happened to be opened, who then would be hurt by such actions?

     It's time to face our music. And the symphony we are truly creating. Not just that in which we present to people.

     The "Hypocrite" in our stories is always someone else. For the most part, we are never the antagonist in our own stories. But if that story was being told from a different point of view, you may discover that your arc was far less complimentary than first perceived.

     So yes, this has all been incredibly painful. And the aroma of what I did will always linger a little bit in the atmosphere of that person's heart.

     But I also hold Hope close by. It is when things are truly recognized as out of my control that I can rest. I can't change the situation now. I cannot force a memory or an incident to be forgotten. But I have taken responsibility for my actions, and I have eaten some Humble Pie. Now I leave the rest to love and time. To do those things in which I cannot do. Completely heal and progress everyone involved, including myself.

Wisdom's Knocking:

In matters of life and love, stay close to humility.

You Broke My Heart

Law & Order: UK - Episode: "Deal"

      In case you don't know already, I'm pretty much in love with all things BBC America. At present, I'm obsessed mostly with Law & Order: UK

      I'm so invested in all of these characters. Which is a bit odd, because we never get a great deal of information regarding each character's personal life. We only infer things by how they respond in the context of a crime they are solving. But the writing mixed with the charisma and mystery of each character sucks me in.

     And with that type of vulnerability to a show and its characters, one is bound to get their heart broken. Of which I did.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Detective shows are often better with British accents.

Unfinished Business

     Lindsay Coleman

     It feels awful to have a lot of unfinished things floating out there in the atmosphere. At some point, you just want to throw your hands up and say, "Freak it all!"

     I think unfinished business has a lot to do with distractions. Those subtle things that we allow to slowly eat away at our time, our relationships, our finances, etc.

     At some point we have to want to stop the cycle. Key word being, we ourselves have got to actually want to stop the cycle of perpetual unfinished business.

     I've learned a lot about my personality type in the last month. In case your curious I'm a "Wind-Fire". Yes, it means what you think it means. For more clarification: Path Elements Profile

     One of my key attributes involves: "Over-committing time". Yes. I'm going to let you know that upfront. But don't worry, now that I have that knowledge, I'm doing my best to not fall into my usual traps.

     But the knowledge of such weaknesses doesn't necessarily make the journey all that easier. I look around my room tonight, and I still have a Netflix (Or shall I say, Qwikster?--Dumb.) movie that I have not finished watching in over a year. Supposedly I'm waiting for the "Right time". Which still haunts me as unfinished business.

     And there's my screenplay. I'm actually making some solid progress, but it's painful. Unfinished business.

     And then there are those things I wish I would've said in the midst of an abnormal setting and indirect confrontation this past weekend. Unfinished business.

     It seems as though certain things are unraveling. Well indeed they are.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Our need for grace is far greater than we first thought.

The Something New

     So for some reason I just now noticed the "Dynamic View" templates that Blogger released a few months back.  And now I'm tempted to give it a go. The only thing is, I love the color scheme of my current blog, and I wasn't able to find a way to adjust the colors and all that jazz on this new "Dynamic View".

     Take a look at the video below, to get more of a gist of what I'm talking about.

Wisdom's Knocking:

New is not always better.

Zombies

Photo Credit: Lindsay Coleman

     I have never in all my life...until last night.

     I had a very long dream of a city being infested with Zombies. I was on the run like a maniac. And my sidekicks kept changing depending on the particular setting I was in within the city.

     See, this is what happens when you watch "Doctor Who" right before you go to bed.

     I never had to see a Zombie full on in my dream.  I think the most exposure I got regarding one of these killer creatures, was some weird groan in addition to seeing a pair of pale white arms, stiffly extended forward.

     There were plenty of close calls in this dream, but I and those that I was trying to help rescue made it out alive. It was definitely one of those dreams that felt incredibly real.

     And I'll tell you this, I did wake up this morning a bit out of breath...

Wisdom's Knocking:

There comes a time when you must face your fears. 

The Most Beautiful Woman

      When I hear her voice, she makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. And anyone can distinguish her voice from a sea of aspiring and established singers. She has this distinct "tear drop" in her voice.

     She's dipped into the world of jazz, soul, pop, and even Broadway.

     And not only was her voice the stuff of diamonds, she was absolutely exquisite. As I was preparing to write this post, I just stared at hundreds of pictures of this lady. She is truly one of the most beautiful women I have EVER seen.

Her career spanned the 70s to the mid 90s. And I wish I'd been able to see her perform live. 

   
     But to the great misfortune of the many that loved and adored her, this 6'2" beauty died an untimely death in 1995 at the age of 45, due to suicide.

      Nevertheless, her voice is still the stuff of tender mercies. And she will continue to capture my attention.

Phyllis Hyman.

-----

Wisdom's Knocking:

Even in your darkest hour, you are loved.

I'm Working On My Rewrite

     So, I'm back in love with Paul Simon. It's beyond the crush phase. We're talking real commitment here.

Rewrite by Paul Simon

Wisdom's Knocking:

"You know life is what you make of it

So beautiful, or so what." - Paul Simon

Interweb

     Photo Credit: Patrice

     So I just looked you up on the internet.

     I had this hyped up idea of who and what you were. I was in awe of your caliber of humanity. I was drawn to the strength of your family.

     But then, the other shoe dropped.

     It's known to do that, at the oddest and most inconvenient of times.

     And now, the interweb has spewed up what I was hoping to not find, but what I knew was there all along...the other side of your humanity.

     But why can't you be more like the idea of you, rather than the real you.

     But this is life.

      And I'll look at you tomorrow as if I never acquired such information and forgive myself and you for being so raw and so cruel and so mindless.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Sometimes the benefit of technology is far too forward for our own good.

Body Talk

     

     You all know that I am affection starved.

     How many times is a human being supposed to be touched in a given day? I don't know. But I do know it's definitely way more than what I'm getting these days.

     And because you all know that I live an almost nun-like existence (Infer what you will, it's pretty much appropriate at this point), my old fall-backs just won't do; nor is that really what I'm after.


     With that said, I had one of thee most stressful weeks last week. I'll do my best to fill you in on the highs and the lows in the weeks to come. But the events of last week left my body in some crazy knots.

     Often I appear to be a calm and peaceful person, but anxiety is but a breath away many times. And after a week like the one I just had, I find that my body has held on to that anxiety in some extreme ways.

     This time, I knew it was time for an intervention:

     A full body massage.

     I was worked on for an hour and half. Praise!

     The end result: My body loves me. And I love my body.

     So until I begin my free late night cuddles with my future boo, I'll be booking my next appointment with Linda ASAP.

     Get on my level.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Touch seems to be as essential as sunlight." 

- Diane Ackerman