&**@&@!!

Why is it, that there are some people, that when they open their mouths, you've already positioned in your mind to not believe a single word they say. I mean, it's not as if they are complete liars, but something about them is a facade or not completely trustworthy. Therefore, when I'm approached by such people, many times, my internal stance is that of irritation.

But maybe they are pushing buttons in me that need to be pushed. Maybe they have truly garnered some sort of truth that I am not humble enough to receive. Or maybe they are life liars, truly incapable of being heart trustworthy and in dire need of an intervention.

I'm not so enamored with their stance, but more so my reaction. I feel the need to punch them in the face.

I know, I know. But it's true. It's one thing to lie to me, but it's another to lie to yourself and to try to make me believe your lie with you. Please don't make me do it.

Maybe you didn't know -- and I think I just realized while writing this, that we carry an intangible presence of trust with us. We can decrease the power and reality of our trust (among ourselves and people) with lies and facades or we can increase it with the power of truth and of love.

So truth and trust go hand in hand. Like two people dancing.

With that said, I guess it's time for us all to look at who we're dancing with.

I Git It From My Mama...

I just gave someone relationship advice a few days ago. And as I think of that moment, I sort of chuckle to myself. I'm not even IN a relationship right now, but somehow I feel qualified to speak romance wisdom. In fact, I've only really been in one relationship my entire life. And yet, I believe in the words that I told this young lady. I believe those words whole heartedly. And then I thought to myself...Why?

One reason being, I've already seen some of the fruit of my past romance wisdom and predictions. And yes, I've had a decent track record. But even more than that, I have watched someone very close to me walk out those weighty "theories" and glisten with patience, joy, laughter, and friendship in the midst of real relationship. So much so, that I'll, with strong conviction, risk telling someone love advice.

Sometimes we feel as if our wisdom and knowledge in regards to romance and love is being wasted because it's not being exercised on us or is not being fully experienced in our own lives as of yet. But that's simply not true. It is not wasted at all.

With the giving away of true wisdom tempered with true humility, much like love, you will reap the rewards of it....in due time and unexpected ways.

A Proclamation

I love living. I love feeling. Even when I'm irritated beyond belief, I'm thankful that I'm not yet numb. Anger arises in me when my peace is threatened, when my identity is questioned, when tenderness has loosened its grip on me. But yet, I choose to squint towards the sunlight of joy ahead.

Please do not manipulate me to feel. It only causes an arrested development in both of us. No. Instead. Grow. I too shall do the same. I will press hard and fall limp against these walls of pearl and steel. I will seek the face of the one they call Lovely. I refuse to breathe mud, I refuse to lay in the pond of reflective bitterness. But instead, I will breathe. I will live. I will love. My face still turned upward.

There are much higher places to see than this. Maybe we shall both reach them at the same time...

The Almost

How thick is the air between two people, for the kiss that almost happens?...


I had a dream last night where I kept running in and out of rooms with a variety of different people. It wasn't until halfway through the dream I began to realize that I was going through the same rooms over and over again. But the scenarios in each room had somehow changed, making it feel as though it were a different place, even though it was not. Picture never ending rooms--large rooms, like ballroom size, on a track--you know, the kind runner's use.

I wasn't running in this dream, but I was definitely walking briskly with purpose towards a certain place that I needed to get to, but then--

On my way out of this particular room, I simply went to high five him goodbye and then our hands lingered in mid-air with me still walking forward, him choosing to follow close behind. We then began walking with our two hands high in the air in a romantic and sensual like manner. If felt like our hands were dancing. And then I knew it was time for me to leave this room and say a quick goodbye to him, but I knew this goodbye wouldn't be for long.

I turn around swiftly to see his face clearly. I look intently into his eyes. My heart was pounding. Before he had been playful, but now he was kindly serious. We both stare at each other. Time stops. And everything around melts into background frequencies. He lowers his head...I breathe deeply and intently. And then...

I smile and I back away. I make an awkward body movement to break the ice, and I laugh a little bit to myself. He says nothing, but still looks at me with sincerity and passionate intention. He was where I wanted to be. But somehow, I fully turn around and then walk forward into the next room...


How thick is the air between two people, for the kiss that almost happens?...I dare say, it is much like waiting for a kiss from heaven itself, the atmosphere vibrating with a power that would rival thunder. It is fierce, it is soft, it is strong, it is rest.

The air in between...the almost kiss, has the ability to hold faith, love, expectancy, and in my case.... hope.