Drunk & Tender

Photo Credit: Lindsay Coleman

I literally received one of the sweetest compliments of 2013, just a couple of weeks ago.

Never mind that it came from someone that I work with and barely know.

And never mind that said person was extremely drunk.

It simply went like this:

I walk up to him, to give him a hug goodbye.

"I--I--I don't want you to be mad---I can't hug you hard. Okay? Okay?"

Okay.

"I just can hug you soft---because I don't want--I don't want you to be mad that I don't hug you hard--I don't want to hurt you--"

Okay.

"You're just so---Because I can't hug you like I hug eerrrrrybodyyyyyy else--'Cause youur tender--Okay?"

Oh. Okay.

"You're just so tender--I just don't want to hurt you. Ever."

Okay.

"So don't be mad--I can't hug you hard."

Okay. I won't be mad.

"I just don't want you----I mean---to ever be mad. Okay?"

Okay.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart."

- Jane Austen

I Will Karate Kid Your Face

"I often like to train in the desert..."

     There are two things in this world that continually motivate me to write:

1. The Karate Kid (1984) movie 

    and 

2. Fleetwood Mac's "The Dance" album (1997)

     I don't know how this continues to work in my life, but I'm not going to fight it.

     And as you can imagine, The Karate Kid movie is indeed playing in the background as I write to you.

     It's only fitting.

     I'm wresting with this current season. My current situation.

     Let's see, how can I catch you up to speed on things?

     I'll start from the middle and end up somewhere at the beginning. Yes. That sounds perfect.

     I'm still in the midst of my glorious singleness vow. Today, was the first time in a long time, that I wept because I didn't have someone to share my burden with. Someone to hold me and simply say, "This next big step will be worth it."

     It's a funny thing. The thought of being in a relationship now seems so foreign. But my heart was awakened for a brief moment a few weeks back. I allowed myself to almost dream, but not quite. My mind and heart was still reeling from the shock of a fake dating scenario gone awry. Most of you already know what I'm talking about.

     But here came someone from my past.

     Could it have been you all along? Was I really meant to walk out this cliché?

     But no.

     He was too wounded.

     And, frankly, I was too tired.

     And then came another dream.

     I'm not even kidding.

     In the dream, my mom and I are in my living room. She is pleading with me to wait until APRIL. She is panicked in the dream. I calm her down, and simply say, "Fine. I'll wait. I hadn't planned on marrying anyone before then anyways." She was so adamant in the dream. She kept saying that he was coming from out of state...just for me..." And then I woke up.

    Our subconscious can be dangerous breeding ground for a setup, or also full of heavenly anointed messages. It's always the deciphering of which is which, that gets me stuck and frustrated.

     And then a good friend of mine has a dream about me and my future husband boo on Easter. The details of her dream haunt me and stir something I don't want stirred right now.

     And then another friend, whom I haven't seen in years, prays for me and he's not 5 minutes into the prayer, before he starts to say..."God is bringing you...a friend...a special friend...Well, you know..."

     Seriously?

     Lord. Jesus.

     And somehow these prophetic assaults of sorts makes me think of all the things I haven't done. All the things I want to do. I don't know if that's my defense mechanism or what. But in the last month, I've been extremely conscious of time. And how limited it is for all us. And at the same time, we all have the same 24 hours in a day. From the president, to the firefighter down the street, to Oprah, to me, to you.

     I just start thinking about life in general.

     Because I'm moving.

     Literally and figuratively. And I don't really want to. But I need to.

     I still feel like the new kid sometimes. Awkward. Not quite liked enough. And a weird communicator.

     And now I have to adapt all over again.

     But don't we all.

     90% of our life's journey seems to be built around the word resilience. Or as I'd like to call it, resurrection.

     Getting back up after falling hard.

     It always feels a bit dangerous and stupid to hope.

     But then I start hearing that song...

     Plus, at this point, I don't know any other way.

     I've kept myself busy with work over the last month. Work has a wondrous way of being the best distraction. And I, for almost a month straight, became camouflaged in the lights, cameras, and hype of my profession. It served as a strong distraction, but never fully covering up the inevitable  But now that the dust has settled, I'm feeling pinches of pain.

     The pain is by no means overwhelming, but just hurtful enough to know that I still care about my dreams and the hearts of those around me.

     And I start to hear that song again...

     But there are so many things that are not fair. So many things that I don't understand.

     But there are also so many things that are beautiful, and so many things that are rightfully in their place.

     I long for more of that sort of symmetry in my life.

     The type of symmetry that causes everything in its midst to be beautiful. The type of symmetry that makes people look at your life and simply say, "Yes. And Amen."

     And that song continues to play, even when I don't have all the answers...

     When I don't want to fight, when I don't think I can...

     You know the song I'm talking about:

"You're the best!...

Around!...

Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!..."

     And surprisingly, after hearing that chorus about 10 times, I've become okay with facing the open-ended future...

     So to my ever so sneaky future, I know we may be off to a rocky start, but if you give me anymore lip, I may just have to Karate Kid you in your face and show you what I'm really made of.

     Because until now, I've just been on my "Wax on, wax off" game. (Thank you, Mr. Miyagi)

     Of which we all know now, was simply preparation...

     ...For the true moment of triumph.

     Thank you, Karate Kid, thank you.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"If we did all the things we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves."

-Thomas Edison

Unfriended, Unfollowed = New Beginnings... And Mr. Matthew Hussey

     

Photo Credit: Joshua Anderson

     That moment you realize you have less "followers"/friends than you last remembered having. Whether it be Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

     I looked at my Instagram intently last week.

     Wait. Who just "unfollowed" me?

     We then rack our minds and do some skillful internet stalkery.

     Or maybe this only happens to me.

     Perhaps it was a misunderstanding. Perhaps their finger didn't mean to press unfollow. Technology can be tricky. Maybe they were framed...

    But often the truth is much more poignant than those excuses.

     They simply didn't want to "Follow" me anymore.

     End of sentence.

     Accept it. It's okay.

     Yes there were probably reasons behind such a move. Which may surface at another time. But until then, there's no need to be stagnant.

     Don't wallow in it.

     This could very well be a blessing in disguise. Actually....It probably is.

     And now we can gently move forward.

     Not just arbitrarily, but now in the hope of a new beginning.

    Speaking of new things...

     I'm so excited to share with you all, that my little old blog has been chosen to partner with the launch of a book by one of my favorite relationship experts, titled "Get the Guy", by the charming Matthew Hussey. It officially drops today, Tuesday, April 9th!

     One of my favorite things to do in the world is to help women fall in love! And I have such a heart for those "Ladies in Waiting"! If you've been reading this blog at all in the last 6 years, you KNOW I can relate.  Ha.

     But trust me, you're going to want to hear what Matthew has to say. I think one of the things that stood out to me regarding Matthew, wasn't just his profound and practical wisdom in the area of life, romance and how men and women communicate; but simply his heart and his message. He oozes sincerity and a humble heart, while being bold and genuine about his pursuit to help women in the area of romance.

     You can catch him in action on NBC's new dating show: Ready for Love, premiering today, April 9th, at 9|8c, after "The Voice".

     Now here's a snippet from his new book:

     But first....

     A giveaway I get to extend to you! Courtesy of Matthew Hussey's wonderful team. The first of my 30 readers to buy the print copy of "Get the Guy" (Either through Amazon or your local bookstore) will get 1 FREE "Get the Guy" tour ticket to see and hear Matthew in person! Click here to see if he'll be in a city near you!

*Note: To qualify for this giveaway, you can do 1 of 2 things.

1.  Simply leave a comment under this post letting me know that your in! And provide me with your email address before May 1st, 2013.

or...

2. Shoot me an email at puerilityvol1@gmail.com before May 1st, 2013.

     But most importantly, be sure to purchase the book (And keep that receipt ;)! Let me know what you loved about it, hated about it. What shocked you the most? What challenged you the most?

     Believe me, I'm still processing all of these insights from Matthew, as well! I'll tell you in future posts what encourages me about some of the things that Matthew says and what also irritates me about some of Matthew's advice...

     Now here's a taste of Matthew Hussey's book, "Get the Guy":
*Oh and as a courtesy note: Yes, there is some "colorful" language*

     I'm also very interested to hear feedback from some of my male readers. What are your lovely thoughts about what Matthew has to say about your species? Does it resonate? Or do you feel that it's all hogwash?

----

     And yes, I know this blog post took some weird turns that you probably didn't expect. From venting about a social media rejection to proclaiming new beginnings to introducing an in-your-face look at the ways of romance through a book I would have never considered picking up just a few years ago, simply because of the title (Almost sounding too aggressive for my dainty lady ways...), to my first online giveaway. Yep. That's just how I roll.

     But as we endeavor on this journey together--of me sharing with you my ups and downs and subsequent lessons, I truly want you to be more blessed because you took the time to read my stories. I want you to get far more out of it than either of us expect. And that's going to entail me sharing more about the people that are currently influencing and challenging my life in significant ways, and it's also going to entail me giving gifts to you. Because I simply love giving gifts.

     There's something sweet about new beginnings. The good ones usually come on the heels of a previous craptastic scenario. So be encouraged. If you're in the thick and death of things, the beauty of resurrection is soon to follow. Have your eyes and your heart open for it. In matters of life and love.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"We don't enter relationships hoping to create an extraordinary existence;
we come to them to share one with someone else."

- Matthew Hussey

Sustainer or Drainer?

     

Photo Credit: Evan Kaufmann

     You can only be one.

_____________________

     Oddly enough, needy people (a.k.a. Drainers) often think they are life-givers (a.k.a. Sustainers).

     And that's where it can get tricky...

     Who are you in your friendships? A Sustainer or a Drainer. In your workplace? A Sustainer or a Drainer?  In your day to day interactions. A Sustainer or a Drainer?


     I can tell you this, I'm being much more intentional this year by surrounding myself with more Sustainers than ever before. And yes, everyone has bad days. That's not what we are talking about here. We are talking about your overall consistency in life.

     How can you tell which one you are?

     Here are a few clues:


     Traits of Drainer:

1. Ruled by fear (known or unknown) and entitlement.

2. There is a lack of vision. They are mostly stuck on what is happening right in front of them. Instead what lies farther ahead...including a solution that may be just a few steps ahead.

3. Often places high demands on friends, whether it be their time, resources, or presence on a consistent basis.

4. They often don't take the time to own their own emotional hang-ups and insecurities, but instead look to others to find solutions for them.

5. They are usually unaware or highly insensitive to other people's feelings (whether it be a one-on-one setting or a group setting), because they haven't grasped and learned how to honor and love people beyond their own feelings and circumstances.


     Some of the ways we are affected by a Drainer:

1. Time with them sucks the life out of you.

2. You feel sad, down, or semi-depressed after interacting with them.

3. You feel like you either need to come to their ultimate rescue or completely fix them or their problems on a consistent basis. As if it were an unbearable burden on your shoulders only.

______________________

     Traits of Sustainer:

1. Authentically Humble and constantly Grateful.

2. Their outlook and vision is always bent towards success, no matter how impossible the situation. When a problem arises, they are quick to not dwell on the problem, but the possible solutions. And this is often why Sustainers have goals they are able to consistently reach, even if the goal has to be reworked and rethought out.

3.  They understand that hard work is a part of any good process and are not resentful because of blood, sweat, and tears.

4. They are constantly aware of the needs of others and not just themselves. Their friendships are healthy and balanced and ever maturing.

5. Often, they have stellar social etiquette, social skills, and emotional intelligence, simply because they know how to honor and love people well.

     Some of the ways we are affected by a Sustainer:

1. You feel inspired and challenged in the best way by being in their presence.
2. You feel more at peace by simply being around them.
3. You feel like you can completely be yourself in any given mood you may have. (Although, with a Sustainer, often smiles and laughter are involved.)

______________________

     Now you get to choose. Each new day. Which will you be? A Drainer or a Sustainer.

     You can only be one.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." 

-Jesus
(John 10:10)