Death Defying

Picture of Annie Taylor: She made the first barrel trip over Niagara Falls in 1901 and lived.

     It always hurts a little when you know someone out there is holding a grudge against you, unless you are incredibly callous or aloof.

     I, on the other hand, love to feel-- which in turn has it's amazing crescendos and subsequently, some very dark days.

     We always think that we are right in our own eyes, but it's incredibly humbling to learn that, not only are we imperfect, but we have the capacity to hurt individuals unintentionally. The art of communication is truly one to be respected. It is to be nurtured like any other art form, or one will become inept to the subtle meanings and cries of our friends and lovers.

     My pride has blinded me at times, but my heart is to truly surrender to love and kindness always. One of my favorite quotes: 

     "Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness." C.S. Lewis

     I want to live the expression of that, daily. My spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak.

     I'm stirred to defend myself when those that have been hurt by my words and actions, react out of their pain (By ignoring me, talking negatively about my character, wishing me ill will, etc.). But what do I expect? They have been legitimately hurt. Is their pain not real? No, their pain is just as real as mine.

     My spirit is willing. 

    And I decide again to walk in love the best way that I know how: Forgiveness. Daily. Every minute if necessary.

    And yes, it feels like a death has occurred within me. But if I've learned anything about death, it's simply the seed for resurrection.

Wisdom's Knocking:

The story is not over until it's over.

Different Kinds of Beauty

Photo Credit: Chris Molitor

     Today, I looked in the mirror and recognized my beauty. I find it necessary to do this intently at least once a month. Preferably everyday.

     But you know how life gets in the way of many things. Endurance is far more tricky than I ever thought it would be.

     And yet, in the many ways in which I find reason for comparison. God breathes and sings over me my true identity, my true uniqueness. Fingerprints, my dear child. Fingerprints. There is none like you.

     In the last few weeks, I've once again been more aware of my heart, my passions, and my beauty. Consequently, I am also more sensitive to and aware of the beauty and journey of others.

     Now let me get really transparent. Today, I just canceled my free subscription to eHarmony (for the second time). I lasted about a week. I got a ton of "matches". But I just couldn't follow through. I didn't cancel my subscription because I'm an eHarmony hater. Quite the contrary.

     I, who adores the notion of romance and courtship, loves how technology has been used to bring people from different parts of the world together. But alas, this is not how I desire my love story to be told.

     From a logical standpoint, online courtship would be one of the best ways for me to find my soul mate (Especially considering how busy I am, and my pseudo life as a hermit), but then again, so would my workplace, my place of worship, etc.

     Do you ever ask, "What have I been doing wrong?". If not, your lucky. I'm not one of those. I occasionally scrutinize my many shortcomings in hopes of finding the culprit holding me back from true love and marriage. Because why haven't I been chosen? Or why must I sacrifice the person I love? Or why does he prefer her?

     But if I truly believe that Love Never Fails, then there is purpose in this journey of waiting.

     Today a friend told me this: "Truly you are amazing. The reason that you haven't been married yet is solely God's timing. Your heart and soul is beautiful along with you as a person."

Wisdom's Knocking:

Sometimes love is just around the corner.