Things are beginning to shine and shimmer and settle. I actually feel really good about this year. At first (Like Dec. 31st) I was a bit indifferent towards 2012. I was afraid to really believe that anything could be different this year. I mean, how many times can you muster up great expectations? Well, in my case, with the breath of the Holy Spirit, my expectations have seemed to grow and expand with each passing year.
Now this doesn't mean that I haven't cried this year already, or looked suspiciously around a corner for a man to hit me upside the head with a "Homey D. Clown" sock. But I feel a new sense of steadiness in my spirit and it feels right to expect good, good things.
In "99 Problems", I shared my joy and pain in pursuing my dreams as a writer, teacher, freelancer, and overall artist. One of my main weaknesses (Like many creative folks) was the proper stewardship of the business end of my heart's pursuits. About a month after I wrote that particular blog post, I came across a familiar name in finance, and decided to take the plunge in committing myself to a rigid financial overhaul with this particular financial guru.
Early in the process, I realized, I wasn't so "afraid" of money, but more so indifferent towards it--which still prevented me from stewarding my blessings properly. In November 2011, For the first time in my adult life, I wrote the vision down regarding my finances. A.K.A. Writing out my entire cashflow budget, debts, debt snowball plan, savings plan (ie: Emergency Fund, etc.), and learned how to delay gratification (ie. Trips, restaurants, etc.) in a much more strategic way.
I cannot even tell you the burden that was lifted, once I started writing down my entire budget. Yes, at first it was a bit weird, then depressing, then shocking to see how much I spent certain things and neglected other areas. Mostly, being intentional is a powerful thing...and freeing.
In that first month of intentional budgeting, I realized why I had been so stresseed out most of 2011 regarding my finances. I never quite knew why my money was short at the end of the month. I never kept detailed track of my funds. But alas, after doing my budget I realized, I wasn't making enough to cover all my expenses.
Well that could be a problem.
But a funny thing happened. After being intentional about stewarding my finances, even though my income was short of what I needed to pay all my expenses, I somehow made it through that month with flying colors. Individuals who had no idea of my fresh financial start and subsequent financial need, began to randomly bless me with money. What.
And so it continues in 2012.
April is going to be an interesting month for me. One job ends, and I have no idea what the next gig will be. Perhaps my local movie theater art house? Or a paid writing gig? Or a talent coordinator position...Or....
I'm not even quite sure how I ended up telling you about my personal finance on this blog post. I meant to tell you about my Crush progression. Ha.
Yes. He's still amazing (From what I gather). And very much on my mind. So much so, that I've already had about 10 fake conversations with him-- in my mind. Wait--I'm embarrassed to say, one of those conversations I actually said out loud. But let it be known, that I have been absolutely charming in all 10 of those fake conversations.
My heart is to truly get to know this person on a friendship basis first. And I don't want to push too hard, or do some weird manipulation thing (You know how I feel about that). I mean, he could be completely psycho. But dang, he would be one fiiiine psycho. Let me stop.
I wonder if he reads my blog? I mean. I've already cyber-stalked him to the max. So much so, that I'm on a cyber-stalking fast. I'm serious. Images are pretty much my love language. And I'm one of the best internet detectives I know. Which is a blessing and a curse. I often find things that I don't want to about certain individuals. But in this particular detective case regarding my crush, I've found nothing but gold and diamonds with this stud.
But for the next 2 weeks, I'm going to try to not accidentally find my way to his website, Facebook, Instagram or Twitter page. I'm already feeling withdrawals. But this has to be done.
All in all, this year is beginning to shine, shimmer, and settle. It takes a little bit of crazy to believe for something so, so good, when all you see around you is the same ol', same ol'.
But a touch of crazy is just what I've got...