Blah, Blah, Why?

   Photo Credit: Joshua Bell  

     Why is it that the men folks you don't want attention from try to holler at you every five minutes. And the one you want the attention from stays hidden in the silence.

     So yes, clearly I'm bad at hiding this from you. I have a baby crush. No. Not a crush on a baby. Gross. I just have a small crush on a certain man person. This to shall pass.

     But until it does, I'm trying to limit the amount of internet stalking time I devote to my new crush.

     I know. I'm so predictable.

     And yes, I've already cyber stalked this individual to the max. I was hoping to find something cringe worthy, but I only found evidence that makes me love him more. Bah!

     But then there's that one rule that I've created for myself. It's the silliest thing, really. But I've always wanted my future boo to introduce himself to me first. I guess in a way, I wanted to feel swept off my feet from the get go. I'm usually the outgoing person, introducing myself to everyone first. Always putting myself out there first. But for once, I wanted a man to be humble and assertive. And approach me first.

     So meaning, I automatically deem a guy in the "Friend" basket if, upon our first meeting, I had to approach him first and introduce myself, as if making the first move.

     In turn, that's exactly what happened with this particular guy I'm talking about now.  I didn't mean to, but out of my own excitement and wayyyy too much caffeine, I took the more assertive role of introducing myself to him, and at the time, I had sort of already put him in the "Friend" basket. But I quickly realized my misstep after I shook his hand and looked him dead in his eyes. Oh crap. I could feel it coming on.

     The crush.

     It was pretty much immediate. But I had convinced myself that I had cancelled out and disqualified myself from anything romantic with this guy, because I broke my own "Introduction" rule.

     I know, sounds a bit like sabotage and some weird self preservation habit that I'm akin to.

     Nevertheless, I'm trying to be open, real, vulnerable, and expectant for good things to happen. Even if those good things look different than how I think they should look.

     And I know you're wondering who this guy is and how well we know each other. Well, I can't reveal much now, but I can tell you that he and I have a variety of mutual friends. So in any event, we'll be friends. Awesome. Because I need more good looking, amazing and kind guy friends that think I'm amazing, but not quite amazing enough to date.

     Wow, I sounded really bitter there. Pray for me.

     But in other exciting news, I'm going to a Golden Globes after party tomorrow night? I feel a bit like Cinderella with the whole thing. And I also feel like it's going to be amazing.

     I'm not convinced that I'll meet my Prince Charming there, I'm just really excited to dress up and eat fancy cupcakes. And even if Prince Charming happens to show up, he better introduce himself to me first...before I introduce myself...

Wisdom's Knocking:

The intersection of promise and fulfillment is surrender.