I'm So Excited. And Weird.

     Photo Credit: Me

     Just pretend you're hearing the Pointer Sisters' song, "I'm So Excited" throughout this entire post. Because I'm definitely playing it on a loop while I write this.

     Remember my post, "When You Pass a Test"? Well, not only did I pass a test last weekend, I just graduated. And not that K-5 to First Grade graduation. We're talking Junior High to High School. This is major.

     My love and patience was put to the test as I faced going to one of the weddings of the century stag, you know, solo.

     But I felt good. I was in a really good head space. My 2 hour car ride afforded me ample time to get real with God. To get real about my past crush (Of whom would be at the wedding...). My disappointments. My lack of humility (The ability to learn and grow) in certain areas. And my overall lack of vision for my own future.

     It's funny, almost everyone has hope and vision for the outcome regarding my future and future boo (The 2 being distinctly connected), except for me. I just couldn't see it as clearly as I did 10 years ago. After 5 years of a desert full of prospects, coupled with another 5 years of well intentioned prophetic words (ie: "Soon", "In a year", "This is your year", etc.), I was simply left limp. I had more vision for all of this when I was 16. But now, I was just tired.

     But I go to this wedding.

     And I feel as though God reminded me, again, of how good He is.

     I genuinely cried at the wedding. Saw friends I hadn't seen in years, was honored and loved well. And sat at one of the best tables (My table was titled: "Belief" Ha.) for the reception. Good wine and laughter. And lots of dancing. Lots of dancing. And I felt beautiful.

     Something changed in me. And I didn't even try. I now understand Grace just a little bit more.

     Who knew dying...to self, could be so good.

     He knew.

     That's what it's been all about. All along.

     And now, I can stop trying so hard.

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     I had a conversation with a good friend of mine recently, and something slipped out. A real true honest moment. We were talking about men and boys, life, and of course romance, and then I blurted out, "A lifetime of laughter with the one you love. Now that sounds like a dream to me."

     It wasn't until it came fully out of my lips did I realize what I had said.

     And I think this is part of my dream.  My vision coming back.

     But there's no pressure this time. There's no, "5 Step Plan to Get a Man", there's no fear.

     A lifetime of laughter with the one you love. Believe me. I know that could be defined in a plethora of ways. But once again, I'll let God bring forth the true definition of that in my life. And He never disappoints. I trust that now, more than ever. I feel free. A true sense of graduation.

     Yes, you appreciate sight so much more after being blind. I wonder if a season of blindness was necessary for me in some way? The colors seem so much brighter now. How did that happen? I don't know all of the ingredients, but I do know surrender and humility played a major role in this transformation.

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     So today, I wrote a letter to my future son. Yes. I'm weird. I don't care. I did it. And I cried.

     You know why?

     Because I'm so excited.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Good things come to those who wait.