Leap On It

     Photo Credit: Jordan Wetherbee

     My mother just opened the door to my room and said, "Leap on him!". True story.

     Um. Does your mother rush into your room and make such lofty declarations? I know you must be thinking. Um, Patrice, what is your mother still barging into your room for? Is she, like, your roommate? Read, 99 Problems to find out the answer to that question.

     Back to Ma Dukes.

     So of course I look at her and giggle. These types of phrases are pretty normal in my household. Think what you will.

     She then tries to further sell me on her case.

     "It's Leap Year," she says.

     I'm thinking. Uh-oh. Like the movie? (And yes, I loved that cheesy movie. What.) And then Ma Dukes confirms.

     "The girl can leap on the guy. Yeah. I know--It's the one time the ladies can do it."  Yes. I love my mother.

     And then my mother gives me a beguiling smile. "Soo...you can ask him out on that day..."

     It's this unspoken thing. I haven't even told my mother of this current man crush I have. You all know more about it than she does. But oddly enough, in her gut she is already sniffing out clues. No. Scratch that. It's like this woman is already inside my head and she somehow knows something is up...

     But I still play it all off.

     "No--NO." I say with fake laughter. I can't cave in now.

     "Okkkkk," she says, dragging out the sound of the "K" way to long. She slowly closes the door while she is still eyeing me down and smiling.

     The door closes and I think, "What the heck was that?"

     Nevertheless, I remember the dream that I had last night. A wonderful and gentle man, holds me with sweet brotherly affection and whispers in my ear, "Don't worry, it's going to happen for you..."

Wisdom's Knocking:

Some doors are closed, others are opened. At certain times its difficult to tell which is which.

Up, Up

Photo Credit: Hannah Cruz

     So Spring isn't quite here yet, but I'm feeling that new birth and awakening that Spring provides.

     I alluded to the possibility of a new adventure in one my last posts. And I'll have you know that I'm steadily putting the pieces together as they come to me.

     I'm taking some time to think, reflect, and pray about the flow of such pieces. I don't want to get too ahead of myself. But at the same time I don't want to stifle the momentum.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Scientists don't fail, they experiment. Get out there and DO something." -- Jon Acuff

Social Media Fuzzy Handcuffs

     Photo Credit: Daniella Hovsepian

     I notice that I only become addicted to social media when there are people that I feel an urgent need to connect with. Which is a fancy way of me saying, when I have a crush on someone and I want to find out about every waking moment of their life and how they interact with friends (ie: Lady friends) online.

     That is why, I've not allowed myself to be handcuffed to social media when it comes to my current crush. I want to not stress about every "Like" or comment this person makes. I'd rather make real judgement calls in person. I want to give both of us a fair chance.

     I had a weird dream recently, where I was walking towards a particular room in a house to peer into the bedroom of a particular guy (Of whom I'm still not quite sure of the identity--It didn't seem like my current man crush, but could have been...) to either watch him sleep (Yes, creepy) or to simply see how he lives in private. I was so excited when I tip-toed to the door, like I was about to see a beautiful surprise. Well a surprise is definitely what I got.

     I came to the closed door of his room and gently cracked it open. And to my astonishment, the back of the guy was facing me as he lay in bed, seemingly naked, romantically wrapped in bed sheets. But wrapped in this guy's embrace was a beautiful brunette girl (Wearing glasses?), facing me, who saw me right away. I fumbled around out of embarrassment and
nervousness.

     She was extremely sweet and kind and didn't seem too bothered by my interruption. The guy never even turned around to see me.

     I quickly tell the brunette a lie in the dream and say that I had somehow gotten lost in the house and thought this room was a different room. And if that wasn't embarrassing enough. I get down on my hands and knees and then gently close the doors to allow privacy again for the busy twosome.

     And that is why I don't want to push down doors fueled by impatience in order to obtain definitive information. In such cases, one can get a whole lot more than they bargained for.  And many times, not the whole picture...

Wisdom's Knocking:

As much as we desire intimacy, be sure to be steady in its pursuit as well as prudent in action. Too much too soon can cause an untimely explosion.

Impossible / It's Possible

To compliment my last my post and to honor a voice that I love profoundly:

"Impossible / It's Possible" from Disney's 1997 remake of Rodgers & Hammerstein's "Cinderella" (Previously produced for TV in 1957, Starring Julie Andrews and in 1965, Starring Lesley Ann Warren)

A Fat Black Beetle and My Glorious Wedding

     Photo Credit: Jon Acuff

     After a fun filled weekend of discovery, I came home and plopped down on my bed and tried to begin to process all the emotions that filled my heart after re-connecting with my alumni theatre group. Over the course of the weekend, I screamed, I hollered, I hugged the mess out of these people--which are by the way, some of my favorite people on the entire planet. Not only did I laugh, but I cried. I haven't felt so charged with this type of inspiration in years.

     In that atmosphere, I truly felt  as if anything and everything was possible. I began to remember who I had been and how I had grown--or not grown. I remembered the tender and powerful moments of breakthrough and how good news is always better shared.

     Honestly, I'm a bit scared to process the events of this weekend. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will discover something that will challenge me to a new adventure. And I'm not one to back down from an adventure.

     And am I ready? I do believe that I am.

     Last night I had a series of kuh-razie dreams. Wait. But first, let's rewind back to my laying down in bed, trying to process this last weekend.

     Out of the blue, my mother knocks on my door, doesn't really wait for a response and comes into my room. "Did you meet him?!"

     I look at her like I had just woken up from an 8 hour nap. "Wha?"

     "Did you meet him??" She persists. "I had this dream. And I had to rush to get everything ready. It was all white, I knew where I was. It was for you. It was your wedding."

     "This is the dream you already told me about last week." I look at her with apathy.

     "No." She says. "This was a different dream. And you didn't give me much time!"

     "Okay." I tried to comfort her. I would hate for 2012 to simply leave the imprint of a dream and not the reality of its fruit. And I know better to reject good news, even it does seem impossible. And I gently bring our conversation to a close by saying, "...We'll see..."

     With weight like that in the atmosphere it was a wonder I could sleep last night. But sleep I did, for about 12 good hours. Yes. You heard right. 12 hours.

     And yes, as you know already, I'm an avid nighttime dreamer. I have crazy dreams that often foreshadow events that I'm about to embark on. It happens time and time again. And this has happened over the course of my entire life.

     But one of the many dreams I had last night stood out to me. I was in a house that I am quite familiar with, but when I walked in, it was noticeably disheveled as if someone had broken in or had a party. None of the original home owners were there and some items in the house, seem to move on their own. I knew something was up.

     Then I discover a stranger in their home. Well, he wasn't actually a stranger, but someone we all used to know years and years ago. When I discovered this guy in the home, he panicked a bit and started saying, "Yeah, I've been going through things and I needed to come here to get away, etc..."

     But it all felt off and suspect to me.

     And then a side door opens, and one of the home owners steps in. And when he sees me, he panics a bit, as if he was caught doing something dirty. And as soon as he walks into the home, a gigantic black beetle (With some distinct red markings, possibly words on its back), about the size of my entire hand, flies into the house. I knew this black beetle had the ability to bite and was somehow poisonous. I remember screaming in the dream and running around in the house, in attempt to not get attacked by this gross beetle.

     I somehow avoided the beetle and made it towards the front door. My hope was that I could open the front door and fake out the beetle so that it would fly back outside to wherever it came from. In my attempt to close the front door to trap the beetle outside, it tried to come back in, but I slammed the door on it, practically killing it.

     And somehow I instinctively knew that I needed to kill this beetle all the way. I was about to grab a pottery piece from the house, but I didn't want to mess up these folks' furniture. But somehow out of the blue, a friend of mine appeared with a knife and handed it to me.

     I then took the knife and walked right outside the door to where this black beetle was. I then chopped it in half. And it split, but in the most bizarre way. There was no blood. No liquid. It was as if the beetle had been made of air and paper...and not guts at all.

     I felt as if I had faced and defeated a spirit of fear and intimidation, linked to the fear of disappointment.

     When there is the possibility of beautiful impossibility springing forth in your life, it's amazing to me how quickly opposition tries to choke out the seed. But don't freeze. Yes, you might scream and run like I did. But trust and know that God is purposefully positioning things for your good, beyond your own ability to control a situation or beyond your ability to be the expert in it.

     But what I learned last night is that, there may be a huge buzzing black zombie beetle out to kill you (In the form of circumstances or people), but the glorious wedding will still happen.

     Don't forget in the darkness what God has spoken to you in the light.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Remember: Impossible things are happening everyday.

Selfish

   Photo Credit: Christina Sees 

     I realized that I half heartedly wanted you to like me to validate me in some way. And here I was thinking I had passed junior high. But not quite. Humility is my friend once again, and she gently points her finger towards the open air of freedom. I see the shimmering mist of clouds of courage. And I weep.

     I wept for minutes. I allowed myself to feel the sting of my selfishness. And it stung. And yet, You paid the price for me.

     I wish everyday could be filled with such revelation. I saw the monstrous part of my appetite and I shook my head in disbelief. I had almost, ALMOST, fooled myself. There's more at stake than just my games and just my disbelief.

    And what if you were to say yes? Could I hold your precious heart in my hands. Not for show, but truly for keeps.

     I'm almost ready. To not be selfish. But I will weep once more for those things that were lost and reposition my heart and soul to take you in. You've done nothing but protect me and I am aware of that because of love.

     Thank you for changing my life, in a way that you have yet to know in me.

     Love is powerful and I recognize that more today than ever before. It's not about me. It's about You.

Wisdom's Knocking:

The depths of love are experienced in the breath of life.

Tussle

     Photo Credit: Jennifer Glasgow

     My voice was a bit more shaky than usual. Why? Maybe it was just the adrenaline.

     But I could feel fire rising up in me. I still have a little thug left in me. And I realized that today when I had to voice a complaint to customer service over the phone.

     I can take it (And by "Take it", I mean "Go and cry afterwards") when someone is rude to me. But if you are rude to my family or friends, I might just cut you. So was the case today with customer service. Someone from the "Company" was talking to my father like he was a stone cold criminal and as if he hadn't spent his life taking care of me, loving me, honoring me,  providing for me, and encouraging me. My father gently hangs up with the "Company".

     And I called the "Company" right back.

     Today was a reminder that I still need the peace of Jesus to invade my life in a real way.

     Just when you think, "I got this. Truly anger and all thugness has been purged from my life." Then comes the call from Customer Service.

Wisdom's Knocking:

There's a lot more fight left in us than we think.