Boy-friends, Girl-friends

     

     It's the most wonderful time of the year.

     But yet, it's also the time of the year when many people feel themselves falling into a tunnel of depression.

     You thought Valentine's Day hurt your heart? Try the constant reminder of love and magic all around you in the shape of snowflakes, peppermint mochas, and fireplaces. I mean, this all just screams romance to me, especially as a single person. Maybe I'm the only one. But this beautiful holiday season begs to be shared with the ones you love. Yes, family. The tried and true--whom in most cases will never leave you. But often times we are reaching for that other person. A romantic figure to set sail with to Paris, Denmark, Africa, Brazil, or New Zealand. Your choice.

     Nevertheless, you and I might be tempted to simply grab any John or Jane nearby. Or we might try and latch on to one of our trusted guy friends or lady friends as a quick fix and substitute for a substantial and meaningful romance, when you know in your gut it ain't gonna really last. You can't explain why you know this, but you just do.

     But certain men folk are looking too holiday cuddly to me. Yes. I said it. "Holiday Cuddly".  And I find myself wanting to throw caution to the wind.

     I know some of you just cheered right now. And the other half of you just cringed. I'm more on the cringing side when it comes to such lofty ideas. Or least in this particular scenario. There are certain things I know in my gut. You know what I'm talking about. That thing that tells you, "Please don't do this, you'll regret it later..." Some of you sense that, but choose to ignore it anyway. But I get urked if I try and live in that place of "I know better than this, but I'm gonna do stupid stuff anyway" for too long. I used to be able to live in that place for a majority of the year...then it became a few months....and then a few weeks, until now--Of which I can maybe pull it off for a few days and then I find myself weeping miserably.

     Remember my past blog post, "Mixed Signals = No Signal"? Let's also just remind ourselves how much more confusing and awkward we can make this holiday season by mixing in premature or selfish ambition towards someone who is close to us, but may not be on the same page with us romantically speaking. And I'm talking about those girl-boy friendships that have been established as such. Just friendship with a DTR (Define the Relationship), included. And ladies you know how I feel about girls trying to make the first move. DON'T.

     Yes, of course you can manipulate all the live long day in those girl-guy friendships to make them your holiday romantic filler. But at the end of the day, you'll have to work even harder to keep your sanity and the relationship. Which in the end, after the lust is gone, may not  have been worth it to begin with anyway.

     So today, I'm reminding myself of the things my heart truly wants. Not just what my body wants.

Wisdom's Knocking:

It's important to remind yourself of what your heart truly wants...for the long run.

The Russians and I

  Photo Credit: Ashley Johnson

   

     No I'm not a spy. At least I don't think I am.

     But I found it oddly peculiar that I got 12 distinct hits on my blog from Russia.

     I know what you're thinking. "Wow, Patrice, 12 hits? Yeah. It's time to call the Po-Po's". Shut it.

     My humble blog is only frequented by you and a few others on a regular basis. Therefore, I take pride in disclosing all my personal business, knowing that only 10 of you are out there reading this---until yesterday. I don't know if I want to be on the Russian radar. I'm just saying.

     But if you are from Russia and reading this. All I have to say is one thing:

     I love Russia.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Sometimes when you think you are hiding, your arm may actually be peeking out, unbeknownst to you.

British Invasion Part IV

Helloooooo, Superman.

No really. That's Henry Cavill. And he's playing the new Superman in 2012 [ 6/4/2013 Correction: in 2013].

:::::

Superman: Easy, miss. I've got you. 

Lois Lane: You - you've got me? Who's got you?

Wisdom's Knocking:

You don't have to try and play Superman in your own life. In fact, your life may be better if you stop trying so hard to be him.

I Wanted

     Photography By: Antonio Pena

     I wanted to write to you today about feeling frustrated. But then I got frustrated about having to write it down.

     But squeezing past that frustration, I'm going to write anyhow. Sometimes, just showing up is 80% of the battle--not just half.

     What do you do, when you know someone is stepping into something not quite right? Yes, you can do the usual: Warn them, jump in front them, or simply hold onto their feet.

     But what if they insist on moving forward.

     I guess they'll do just that. They'll end up doing what they want to do. And perhaps my perspective is incredibly biased. No. In fact it is. Emotions are a fickle drug. They'll make you feel less than human one minute, and then define the bliss of human experience the next minute.

     Sometimes we don't always get what we want.

     Are we okay with that?

Wisdom's Knocking:

If you feel agitated and frustrated with life, it's best to talk it out with someone other than yourself, to simply add perspective.

When Smart Girls Act Dumb

     Photographer: Ashley Johnson

     We've all seen it. Perhaps you've been the culprit. But it always astounds me how a grown woman can miss such important social cues. Meaning, if a man doesn't show you respect, honor, and kindness upon a first impression, chances are that man does not see your value and does not want to invest in you.

     You may be the type to extend grace beyond a first impression. And I tip my hat to you. But if the man repeatedly shows you disrespect, you've clearly let him know how you really think of yourself: Cheap and of no worth.

     Therefore, the man in his great immaturity and pride will allow you to be degraded and hurt, with him feeling no remorse, because you have come into a silent agreement with him that you are not worth being truly treasured and appreciated.

     And don't think I've forgotten those lovely men who at first impression seem every bit as gentle and loving, only to show themselves as monsters a few months later. The same notion of getting smart applies here. Unless the man is willing to sincerely change, don't get caught in a dumb cycle of a trap.

     But I implore you, oh my smart sisters. Don't be the girl that has to have a man on her arm to feel complete. And don't loose yourself to the misplaced identity of another. You'll soon learn to regret it.

     If you lack an understanding of your worth, chances are someone will either want to define it for you in either good or bad ways.

     With that said, get to know who you are first. Understand that you are beautiful, worthy, smart, desirable, and funny. Yes. You were and are all these things, even before Joe Schmoe came up and told you you were. But with the knowledge of your worth and true beauty, you'll be able to appreciate his observations with true humility and love, instead of feeding off of his words like crack cocaine, as if his words were your defining life source.

     And if we want to get a little deep here, begin to understand some of your actions and motives. Like why you do some of the things you do. Yes, you are a worthy catch, but believe me, you are far from perfect (I'm preaching to myself as well).

     With all that said, I implore you my sisters. Be smart. So if someone spits a dumb line at you, you won't fall for it hook, line, and sinker--

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Ain't it strange the way we're ignorant 
How we seek out bad advice 
How we jigger it and figure it 
Mistaking value for the price
And play a game with time and love 
Like pair of rolling dice..." 

-- "So Beautiful, So What", by Paul Simon

British Invasion Part III

     

     So when I started looking into the behind-the-scenes footage of "Doctor Who" stars, Matt Smith and Karen Gillan, I found such a sweet surprise.

     There was a slew of Comic-Con San Diego footage of the two co-stars. But for me, finding a couple of interviews they did together completely made my heart leap.

     You know how much I love Love. And how excited I get when there's true romance being expressed. Well these two folks, Matt and Karen, have some of the best chemistry I have ever seen. And to my disappointment they were not dating. In fact, they both still have significant others. Whyyyy.

     Seeing those two laugh and chat together was like a double whammy for me. Not only did they carry the British swag, but they had a stellar shared sense of humor. And yes, they're both beautiful. But when they're around one another, they become even more beautiful. Yes. Cheesy I know. I can't help myself. But they are true of the cliche, that they bring out the best in one another. Truly complimentary.

    And it got me thinking. "Yes. That's what I want. That's what I've been wanting all along."

    I know what you're thinking Does my future boo have to have an accent, dress well, and be a superstar? Not necessarily. But it wouldn't hurt him one bit. But for me, the deal-breaker has always been a shared sense of humor. And going down the line... Someone who is strong, not afraid to smile--even when pictures aren't being taken. Someone who is intentional and brave. Considerate and kind. And someone who is intelligent enough to asks questions, but not bullheaded enough to think they know all the answers. In one word: Humble.

     And that brings me back to Andrew Garfield and my other British love, Andrew-Lee Potts. Last year around this time, I happened to catch the SyFy's channel, "Alice". A modern day take on the "Alice in Wonderland" story. Andrew-Lee played the Mad Hatter and did a brilliant job. His Mad Hatter was fierce, selfish, eccentric and at the same time, somehow believably vulnerable. Beyond the "Alice" credit, Andrew-Lee was also in the HBO mini-series "Band of Brothers".

     I was recently re-introduced to Andrew-Lee again this year through the BBC show, "Primeval". And I thought to myself, "Yep. He's a keeper."

     But more to come on why, he's been labeled as such in my mind.

     Mostly, I would love to be "Best Mates" as the Brits would say, or "Best Friends" with my future boo. And if he happens to carry that British Swag. More power to him.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Write the vision down and make it plain.

British Invasion Part II

   

     If you've followed a few of my posts in the last few months, you've probably noticed a couple of "Doctor Who" related posts. "Doctor Who" is a British show that's been airing on the BBC since 1963. The premise revolves around "The Doctor" who looks human, but is actually a Time Lord alien with 2 hearts. He is able to do what his name suggests, travel throughout space and time and he also takes along a few lucky "Companions" to travel the galaxies with him. Many times "The Doctor" is saving earth and human beings from absolute destruction. Other times it's a battle across the galaxies.

     The story lines in "Doctor Who" are so much fun. Especially when "The Doctor" is going back to historical events that we all would know (i.e. World War 1, Pompeii, etc.). Another fun fact about "The Doctor" is that he is able to regenerate. Meaning, if he sustains severe illness or injury, he could undergo a complete physical change. A new body. And of course that works well for  a TV show. You can always make it fresh every few years with a new actor to play "The Doctor". And that's exactly what the show has done since 1963. Matt Smith, the actor who currently plays the title role, is the 11th Doctor.

     With "Doctor Who" you can literally jump in the show at almost any episode and get caught up to how it all works. But beware, you may get sucked in. Steven Moffat, the current lead writer for the show, is a mad genius. I truly think he's one of the absolute best Sci-Fi Television show writers out there. And the fact that a writer can constantly play with space and time, can often make your brain hurt with these stories over the span of entire season.

     Oh my goodness. I just remembered that I also had a dream of Matt Smith last night. Weird. He already knew my name and was walking my friend and I to the front row of this event. Oddly enough, he was the star of the event.

     Okay. I'm back.

     But there's just something about "The Doctor" that gets my heart every time. I'm emotionally pulled in. And each actor that plays The Doctor has this thing about them. I don't know how to completely describe it. But it's this thing transfers into their portrayal of The Doctor. Mostly, you just want to hang out with these folks.

     So, you know me, I'm always interested in the Behind-the-Scenes. I mean, aren't you? And so, I happen to catch some (And by catch, I mean, I implored serious detective work) great behind the scenes footage of the actor who plays the current Doctor--Matt Smith.

    And what I found completely changed my life...

Wisdom's Knocking:

Curiosity is just the beginning.

British Invasion Part I

     This post series is dedicated to Ms. Tiffany and all the other fine folks out there that love the sweetness and swagger of a true Brit.

     I used to think that my east coast boys held the monopoly on swagger. But once again, I've been proven wrong.

     This all stems from my recent conversation with a good friend of mine. Both of us single, we recapped on our love for a good strong accent. Needless to say, I had this wacky dream with Craig David in it last night. I digress.

     But it's been stirred in my heart once again, that God has someone completely stellar and brilliant for me. A man that simply gets me. I'm constantly surrounded by beautiful and handsome people. Even men that I would have attraction to, but not necessarily chemistry with. I'm not simply looking for beauty, swagger, and the like. But you know. Love.

Wisdom's Knocking:

It's amazing how much clarity ensues regarding one's dreams as one grows older.

Without Worry

     What would it be like to not worry. To not be that person that thrives on drama or the possibility of something always going wrong. What if your mindset was always in the realm of something constantly going right?

     I was observing a friend of mine. We'll call this friend "Harry". Once Harry had one area of his life under perceived control, like clock work he found something else creep up to bring him new, fresh worry and anxiety.  I didn't say anything the first few times I saw this behavior. In fact, I didn't even recognize it as a cyclic behavior, because I too would be sucked into the vortex of this new worrying danger of Harry's.

     These worries were not made up, they in fact were valid. But sometimes you can't just talk about how big the giant is, how much armor he has on, how loud his voice is, or how scary his friends appear. Sometimes, you have to let it go. You have to let go of the thought that you actually control things. Stop white knuckling the results. Leave the results up to God. The One that is Love.

     See, your propensity to experience goodness, good things happening to you, and great love has yet to be truly tapped. Could it be that you are draining your love and victory receivers by pouring energy into the jar of worry.

     Once that jar fills up, it immediately falls over, proving to hold nothing worthwhile but wasted time.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Worrying does nothing to add to the stature of your approaching victory.

I Pulled the Trigger

     Photographer: Ashley Johnson

     You know I've been talking a great deal about humility in this season. But I just can't get enough of it right now. I mean the fruit of humility is astounding. When you think you've sacrificed so much, only to realize that the gain is far more greater than you could have ever imagined. It leaves you a bit stunned.

     With that said, I had another test in the realm of humility and grace. I had to walk out and see for myself if forgiveness was the powerful force that I believed it to be. And note, the extension of forgiveness is not just towards another, but is also towards ourselves. Which I've learned, can be the hardest expression of forgiveness in the end.

    And so, my thorn in the flesh appeared. Yes as a person. But I felt no animosity or anger. In fact I felt freedom. It's one thing to speak the truth in a situation. It's another to speak it motivated by the trigger of love. And I won. Not an argument. But a life lesson.

     We all have those people in our lives that rub us the wrong way. But realize the irration is actually an exfoliation on the calloused areas of our own hearts.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Haters are gonna hate. But in your heart, let love remain.

Things That Make Me Happy

I once joined a Facebook Group Page titled: "Dulé Hill is a G".

This is why:

Wisdom's Knocking:

It's time to bring some pizzazz back into yo life.

When I Judge

     I literally just looked at someone's email address and whispered to myself, "I can't trust them". Why would I say such a thing? Why? Because they had a Hotmail email account instead of a Gmail account.

     Yes, I will judge you if you are seemingly stuck in 1999 and/or you happen to use the Internet via the upcoming program called Prodigy.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Be aware of the times.

When You Feel Good

   
     There was a moment at that costume party, this past weekend where I felt so... me. I pay attention to those moments. What truly defines those moments as mine. And I can think of one word for it: Freedom.

     Through the embarrassment and pain of last month's "Hypocrite" moment, I've been catapulted into this new level freedom. It's as if something has clicked back into place in my heart, mind, and body.

     I was having lunch with a very good friend of mine a couple weeks back. And I was recapping this friend on the whole situation of last month, from the pain to the unexpected and overwhelming feeling of freedom and courage I was now feeling. And that friend of mine basically summed up my recent journey in a great way: "It's as if the worst possible thing that could have happened, happened. And now that you've faced it and confronted it, nothing can intimidate you in the same way again."

     Yes. Freedom.

Wisdom's Knocking: 

Sometimes the worst thing can turn out to be the best thing.

Roscoe's and a Kardashian

     

     So I decided to dress up as Agatha Christie's, crime solving character, Miss Marple for a costume party this past weekend. And of course, I would unknowingly pick a character that is noted for being a "Spinster".  But let's move past that, I didn't realize she was a Spinster until after I had already committed to playing her. I was mostly enamored with her ability to solve crimes.

     I've already shared with you my recent obsession with Law and Order: UK, which in turn has stirred up the crime solver in me.  You have no idea how much joy that show gives me. It encompasses my love for British accents with a gritty portrayal of crime and justice to boot. And in concordance with the theme of mysteries, my current love for the long running BBC show, Doctor Who, has also fed my growing interest in solving peculiar riddles and such.

     Now that I think about it, my favorite novels growing up were always murder mystery type books.

     But back to my Miss Marple moment. I was wearing a pimp like fur coat (Yes, faux. Don't PETA me). I felt absolutely giddy with swagger. I was a cross between Cruella De Vil, Miss Marple, and that crazy lady you see talking to herself on the street corner. With that said, I worked my funny little costume that night. I mean, you just gotta own it. Be brave.

     And I remember thinking that I would either meet my future husband looking like this or something significant would take place that would mark me as the lady with the fur coat. I mean, I'm in Southern California with a fur coat on. It looked so ridiculous. But oh, so right for me.

     Next stop after the party: Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles off of Sunset Blvd. And yes, I decided to stay in costume. And no, it wasn't Halloween, so inevitably people would assume that I dressed like this on a daily basis. But I had convinced myself that I didn't care.

     So both my friend and I step into Roscoe's. We order and take in the atmosphere full of eclectic on-goings. Before I know it, an entourage starts flooding in and filling the tables right next to us. It's important to mention that Roscoe's is pretty cozy. Tables and chairs are pretty close to one another. So you may very well hear the entire conversations of those around you.

     The entourage settles in. And sitting right next to us is the lovely Rob Kardashian. Yes, there were so many things I wanted to ask him. Like..."What was the name of that girl from 3LW that you used to date?", "What's your favorite ballroom dance?", "Was your sister's marriage real??", etc.

     But then I looked down at what I was wearing. My fur coat. I couldn't even take myself seriously. Let alone risk being caught in some random TMZ photo with my fur coat on. Marked forever as the Fur Coat Lady.

     And so I just laughed at myself and the situation. And for the rest of my time at Roscoe's, the Kardashian entourage remained but I managed to enjoy the company I was with and my succulent #13. All this while trying to not appear awkward towards the Kardashian entourage and the fans asking for photo opportunities all around me in my pimp-like fur coat.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Stay ready and you won't have to get ready at the last minute.