Finishing Dreams

I just realized what I titled this entry. Pause.

Pause again.

Okay.

So it's been a "few days" and I think I'm getting some answers or at least closer to them.

I had a long series of dreams last night of which one part truly stood out to me.

*In a house with my grandmother (who has already passed away). We walk to another room together which happens to be a waiting room. Odd, I know, especially for it to appear in this two story house. But it was a legitimate waiting room, like one you'd find at the doctor's office. In the dream, I had no idea why I was there.

It had to be no more than a few minutes and this nice and seemingly happy doctor comes out (my grandmother is sitting on my right hand side) and makes a dash for my nose. Instead of greeting me fully, like a normal person, he mentions something about a bump on my nose, like a bone or something. And with his BARE hands he adjusts my nose. He fixes it there on the spot. There wasn't a lot of pain, but it was uncomfortable and did hurt a bit. But it only took a few seconds. My grandmother was the picture of peace.

After the doctor "adjusts" my nose in the waiting room, I remember saying to the person on my left and anyone that I came in contact with afterwards in the dream, it felt as if someone had punched me in the face. But apparently, everything was fixed. I never had to go inside the doctor's office or an examination room or anything like that. It was such an interesting scenario...

So this morning, I start to breakdown a possible interpretation for this dream. I get my handy dandy Cindy McGill dream interpretation booklet (based on Biblical dream interpretation models) and go to town. Very simple, nose=discernment.

So let's break this down. I'm in the waiting room. That's self explanatory. But now, we get to some of the purpose of the waiting. The doctor (the Lord) is adjusting my 'discernment'. And funny enough, I myself couldn't see the issue with my nose...but the doctor could, with his own eyes. No need for equipment or x-rays. He had eyes to see.

And then, with my grandmother in the dream. When grandparents make an appearance it usually points to "generational influence". Whoa. Pause. Something just hit me.

My grandma Lola was a strong woman of faith. She has played a significant part in my life and with me following my dreams. Before she passed away, we both celebrated my acceptance into USC Film School. And it was the words she said that summer afternoon that ring in my heart now. Sick with cancer, she first asked me if that was what I wanted. I enthusiastically said yes. She then whooped and hollered and said, "you did it!" She then said, this is what you've always wanted now go for it!!

My first congratulations and my cheerleader. She got it. She knew how important it all was for me. That was the last summer I would see my grandma alive. But what a memory. And what a commissioning.

Oh dreams. How messy they can be sometimes. But what life they carry beyond our own, the legacy embedded within them.

Just when you want to through in the towel. Lack of direction, resources, inspiration, creativity, patience, and discernment. Something redirects my focus in the waiting room.

But it will not be me alone that finishes this dream. I will get to where I need to be. And I will be who I have dreamed of being-- It is Grace that brings me in time and time again--Setting wrongs right and finishing dreams.

Unfinished

Where is my next array of exploits!? I'm in the desert like a sitting duck. Everyone seems to be complacent here. Not necessarily happy, but comfortable enough not to question everything like I do.

I feel so unqualified for the things I want to do at this point. But at least I'm ready to move forward and perhaps fall flat on my face.

I have chosen to believe the best--to hope for the best--to see the best. Perseverance is no joke. It's no joke.

In a few days, things must change--they have to or I will.

Online Love. Maybe.

It's so easy to fall in love with someone at 1:15 A.M. Especially when you are filling in the gaps of an online persona. Mix in some Intellectual Words, Nice Grammar, and some Rhymes and I'm practically ready to have your virtual babies.

Just watched "He's Just Not That Into You". It's definitely worth seeing once. It stirs up a bit of conversation or at least some thoughts. In this age of the Internet, we've lost something in regards to true intimacy and become good at being impersonal. In fact, the more impersonal we are with a variety of people, the more we end up fooling ourselves into thinking that we have deep meaningful relationships with thousands of people. But is that really possible? And in terms of romance, how do we get in front of our words instead of behind them or some false online persona?

Many of those scenes in the film reminded me of myself in high school and college, wanting so badly to be loved, but not feeling completely secure in my own beauty and worth. But I can honestly say now that I love being a woman. I love being me, more and more.

With the idea of romance comes this amazing sense of adventure. And I do love adventure. I've taken risks in the past, but none can compare to the risk of Waiting. And that is what I've chosen to do all these years. I constantly get asked...Why don't you have boyfriend?...Husband? Kids? And the answer is simple. I'm waiting for him. And I'll know him when he knows me. I know. I can't believe I've held onto that simple yet profound sentence for years now. But when you get something stamped on your heart like that, in a real way, its hard to accept anything less. The journey has been hard as hell, but at the end of the day Hopeful. Thank you, Jesus.



And as I lay in my bed at 1:49 A.M. I contemplate love, like I do almost every night before I go to bed. Will love really happen for me? And if so, when? Am I crazy to believe? And then I close my eyes.



Because a girl must always dream.