Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Open Season


     I once wrote an open love letter to my future husband.

     I know. Not a surprise.

     But don't throw too much shade, you know you're just as much of a romantic as I am.

     With that said, next month, I'm going to travel across the country to support one of my besties in the beginning of what I believe will be her very own unique and extraordinary love story unfolding.

     The atmosphere is pregnant with promises about to be fulfilled.

     And honestly, I'm getting so much of my life, vicariously living through her--and the way in which this man-person is intentionally pursuing her.

     The wait has been so long.

     But now the fruit is actually ripe.

     This is an open season of discovery.

     For not only her, but for you and I as well.

     Somehow, I feel as though I'm starting afresh.

     I feel as though new hope has arrived in my heart. Finally. And once again.

     And not merely in part because of time passing, but the reality and richness of love in my life as it stands now.

     An odd thing has been happening these last few weeks.

     Three separate people have dreamed about me---

     Okay. Let's stop there.

     Wait. What?

      But true story. These 3 people (1 of whom the other 2 do not even know...) on separate occasions told me of the unique dreams that they had of me over the course of the last few weeks.

     I was a bit blown away. And feeling incredibly loved.

     Most of you know, I'm a big time dreamer. #punintened

     Yes, in the big scheme of things type of way, but also in the night-time type of way.

     You know, that weird and wacky "dreaming-of-things-before-they-happen" sort of way. This has been happening to me since I was about 5 years old. But we can talk more about that later...

     So these 3 dreams that 3 separate people had of me, were basically complimentary repetitions of one another. With themes such as love, marriage, ministry, career, and more love...

     But what was more incredible to me, is that their dreams weren't off base or somehow a surprise to me. But in fact, their individual dreams brought specific confirmation to what I had already known and felt God was whispering to my own soul at the beginning of this year.

     And so goes my life....the reality and richness of love in my life as it stands now, shakes me out of the ever-so attractive apathy of our day and our culture and our often sterile religious ways of doing things.

     I'm forced to pay attention.

     Almost always.

     Thus the tedious work of writing.

Video Link: Josef Salvat, "Open Season": 

     And while walking with my beautiful friend alongside the spectacular and terrifying road of romance, I'm being reminded that God can cause a "suddenly" to happen in our lives at any moment.

     A suddenly that ushers in the very substance of what our hearts have been wanting and waiting for, but a heart that needed time to understand and appreciate the intricacies of such a divine miracle.

     Eyes are being opened.

     Hearts are getting free.

     The month of March is going to be amazing.

     It's Open Season, and anything can happen...

Wisdom's Knocking:

"We used to have it all planned.
We thought we knew what it all looked like.
We were looking out on the greatest view.
We were raised to take a stand.
We were raised to keep an open mind.
We believed we'd just sail on through.

Now I'm a hundred miles an hour,
Sitting in my palace without any power,
Alone in the dark,
We're alone in the dark
Thought we could always try a bit harder,
But if the dice don't wanna roll in your favor
It falls apart, the fantasy falls apart

This is open season,
Time is up, time to be leaving,
Head on down this very arbitrary road
Armor up, and say your prayers,
From under dogs and millionaires,
I heard you're better off on your own,
But I ain't gonna face this hunt alone

So I'll be needing you
And I know you'll be needing me too
We're in this game together
We're in this game together
And I believe in you
And I know you believe in me too,
We're in this game together
We're in this game together"

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off


      I'm learning quite a bit about intimacy in this stage and season of my life.

     There is such beauty to be had in a kiss, in an embrace, in a cuddle--and yet, I haven't partaken in these acts in over a decade.

     But more so than the physicality of things and moments, my heart and my body are yearning to be known, and to share those victories and defeats with a witness and a companion.

     The reality of these last two months have shown me that I am not only a survivor, but I can learn to thrive in the midst of tension and impossibilities.

     The verdict is in. In all actuality I was indeed stood up last month. I learned that our mystery guy had been in town once again, but failed to reach out to me. And this time it didn't appear to be an accident.

     Thus, I've not heard a word from the man that offered with such calm kindness and expectancy, to take me out--to meet my heart half way and to explore my journey alongside his.

     Instead, he's chosen to be purposefully silent.

     And once again I had space to weep.

     But he made space.

     Oddly enough, the week he and I were suppose to meet, I had a mentor of mine pray with me. She knew nothing of my tentative date plans, but all of a sudden, she started praying for my love life, my future boo, my husband-to-be. And she went to town.

     But her prayer started to take on a different direction. She prayed against anything that would hinder God's true love story in my life.

     At the time, I thought she may have been specifically praying about me and Mystery Man--about the hindrances that we were encountering trying to lock down our date plans, but it turns out, she may have been praying protection against Mystery Man and I getting together in the first place.

     Perhaps space needed to be made.

     I was ready to bare my soul. To be intimate in the ways that don't involve the shedding of clothes, but rather the connecting of souls, of minds, of hearts---and of callings.

     But then I was halted.

     I was forced to make space.

     And positioned to reevaluate.

     Who am I? And what do I really want?

     I know, I know.

     These questions are the deep ones. The ones we don't always like revisiting. Because, you see, we have to sit with the Truth.

     And often Truth tells us those things we are afraid of--or those things we've been trying not to hear for years and years.

     But space had been given to me, and I had to face the Truth.

     I came across someone online months ago that invigorated and gave life to the Truth in me. It wasn't his mere physicality that drew me in, but it was his heart. To hear someone talk about Truth, love, legacy, and the fight, in the same language that I have all these years, scared the crap out of me.

     He was a blatant reminder of what my heart knows it was made for.

     Now before you get giggly or try to do a search on my Instagram or my blog for this person. Let me help you out.

     He was and is the reminder.

     Beyond that....merely an acquaintance. Not yet even a friend. And that's okay.

     Because he is free.

     He is free from trying to be captured by my manipulative tendencies, my needing-to-be-stroked ego. My dormant yet eruptive insecurities.

     He is free to walk into his own love story. He is free to choose.

     And how lovely it is to choose.

     How powerful it is to choose. Even when you don't know the full outcome.

     And yes,  I am a champion for his love story.

     Even and especially if it by no way involves me.

     But if for some strange reason, he is actually reading this, and I have a feeling he is.

     This is for you:

     I see your heart and it is beautiful.

     I see your hidden pain and the past struggle. And it is beautiful.

     The hope that your heart carried when you were a young boy regarding love, marriage, and family has not been in vain.

     And regardless of how your journey has gone or not gone, it has been beautiful.

     You deserve both hands holding your face ever so gently. A safe haven for your tears.

     Because you have cried and you've wanted to cry some more. And that too has been beautiful.

     It is in your vulnerability that your strength truly lies.

     It is not your strength that I'm after, but your subtleties that I admire and want to honor.

     Thank you for being the reminder. And the exception.

     Because in this journey and in this fight, we all must be reminded what we are truly fighting for.

     It has been your brave heart, your integrity, and your pursuit of God's heart through it all, that has stood as Truth to me and my heart.

Video: Ella Eyre - "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off"

     And as I walk once again into the direction of the unknown towards my own Field of Dreams, I am learning the ways of intimacy, especially as it pertains to how my heart was made and what God has truly made it for.

     Take time to listen to your heart today--and the risks it wants to take and the dreams it dreams up.

     Let's be brave. More brave than we've ever been. Especially in the realm of love and life callings.

     You have not been completely defeated. No--not yet.

     Some of you are just starting a brand new relationship. Others are still waiting in the wings.

     But regardless of your current status, you were made to know and be known.  Just as you are.

     You were made for real and true intimacy, and that's not taboo and that's not a crime.

     In fact, true intimacy is meant to be the place where our life and love flourishes in and through us--Spurring us on--fueling energy into every part of our ever expanding lives.

     Even more so, this type of intimacy is not for a far off time in your life, like during a mid-life crisis or your deathbed. But alas, you can experience this intimacy even now, right where you stand.

     Because you see, we don't always "have to take our clothes off to have a good time" or wait to experience a moment of sheer truth, childlike joy and freedom--

     Often--we just have to be willing to let our own walls down...

Wisdom's Knocking:

“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me.
Make yourselves at home in my love.
If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love.
That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love."

- Jesus
(John 15:9-10 - The Message)