My Un-Romance of 2013

Photo Credit: Lindsay Coleman

     I hate sounding like a broken record. Repeating the same things over and over again, with no new result.

     And then I look to my inspirations. My friends, my family, God. They're all artists in some way, in some fashion.

     They leave a unique fingerprint on my heart that no one else can overshadow or take away.

     I've been missing out on so much love.

     Love that's been right there in front me.

     Why do I, feel the need to want and want and want those things that are allusive. Farther away.

     Because when I get close to those things, I then want and want and want something further out.

     And so the cycle continues.

     I hate sounding like a broken record.

     I've spent more time thinking about you and thinking about what you'd think of me when I say what I'm about to say.

     Year after year, I've proclaimed that a particular year would be, had to be, couldn't help but be, my year--the year in which all my romantic notions and expectations would be fulfilled. We've prayed about it, had dreams about it, cried about it, laughed about it,  had visions about it, confirmations about it, and so on and so forth.

     But in an attempt to not outsmart my circumstances, I'm proclaiming that 2013 will be my year of Singleness.  The year of no romance for Patrice.

    Now, I know some of you will be tempted to text and call me immediately after reading that last sentence. But I encourage you not to.

     Because 2013 will be a year of great love for me. I'm convinced of that.

     Romance is already all around me. And I love celebrating it.

     I love looking at the grandeur of a sunset, the beauty of the lines on my mother's face.

     The magic of when two eyes meet and there's a special connection, if only for a moment.

     I love the way in which God speaks to me through the teenagers I mentor at my church. And how God loves me in the ordinary and mundane to-dos of my life.

     I love the sensation of writing and hearing from someone who has connected with my words.

     It's all wonderfully and magnificently romantic.

     But somehow along the way, I've lost sight of timing and truth and how my heart truly fits into my own romance story. I need to clear my head, and I think 2013 is just the place to do it in.

     I don't want to miss the now, looking at the not yet fully formed future.

     You see, I hate sounding like a broken record. And I hate looking like a fool. And somehow, I feel like I've effortlessly accomplished both in these last several years.

     And yes, my heart is still hurting a bit from this year's failed romantic expectations,  and perhaps it's also a bit guarded, but that's not the only reason I'm throwing in the towel. I feel myself half-living in certain areas because I feel cheated in some way. Which is a complete lie. My life is full and complete and overflowing with love and goodness. And if something (or my own views and perspectives) are preventing me from seeing that, they need to move aside and get readjusted.

    I mean, aren't you interested in hearing other topics from me in this blog, beyond the one I've been addressing for the last several years? There's so much more.

     But please believe, I'll continue to encourage and believe with you for your beautiful God-given romance. I know it's on its way. But for me, the verdict is still pending. And that's okay. Things are not always as they appear or how we think they will or should be.

     And that's the truth I have to consider.

     So in 2013, I'm intentionally choosing a new journey. A new outlook.

     And now the repeating record just stopped.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald