Hey Gigi, "He's Just Not That Into You"

Alex & Gigi

     It felt like a little bit of a throwback. I mean, once a movie plays on TV, it's officially a throwback, right?

     And especially since "Myspace" is the main social media talked about in the movie. I mean, once seen as the social media Promised Land, Myspace is now the Reno 911 of the internets. It's still functioning, it's just a few beats off and feels a little bit dirty.

     I had this sense that I somehow just saw the 2009 film, "He's Just Not that Into You", and at the same time, it felt like decades have gone by since I last saw this movie.

     I think I know why. There's something about this movie that often hits a little too close to home. Which causes me to want to distance myself from it. Like..."Yep. That's what we do as females." We read every little minuscule inflection and glance that you guys give us as some sort of build up to..."I love you and I can't live my life without you."

    But I also love this movie, because it tells the truth. And by looking at the movie's current IMDb rating, not many folks appreciated that half-happy ending. But life is like that. Love mixed with pain, mixed with truth.

     If you haven't read the book or seen the movie, here's the long and short of it (Don't worry, there aren't any spoilers):

     "Ten people in Baltimore deal with their respective romantic problems, usually thwarted by the differing ideals and desires of their chosen partner. At the center of this is Gigi , a young woman who repeatedly misinterprets the behavior of her romantic partners...Gigi is a single woman who repeatedly misreads mundane actions and comments from her dates as indications they are romantically interested in her. She then frets when the guy doesn't call."

     Let's repeat: "...Who repeatedly misreads mundane actions and comments from her [guy friends] as indications they are romantically interested in her." For the rest of this blog post, you can just call me Gigi.

     I think we all feel like Gigi at some point in our lives. Whether you're a guy or a girl. We're always trying to interpret signals. Trying to understand one another, trying to find a connection.

     But I love what Alex says in the movie:

     "If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what."

     Simple and true. I cannot tell you how many guys I've seen trip over themselves to get a girl's number. Especially if they think they'll never see that girl again. Doesn't matter if they're at a bar, at church, at work, at the game, at your mama's house. The Hunter gene kicks in, and all of a sudden, they become incredibly intentional.

     I tried exercising the Huntress gene. That use to be my M.O. And I know some guys like that. But if I already feel like I can dominate and control you in some way, you as a guy, have already failed me. You're probably the kindest and most handsome guy on the planet, but if you need me to approach you before you'll pursue me, sorry guy, you're not gonna be strong enough for me in the end. So let's just cut our losses now and be........friends.

     So needless to say, I'll be intentional....about letting my guy pursue me.

    I know. It's a fine balance between not making me feel hunted, but hunting me. Making me feel safe, but still promising me adventure. But not impossible. And the guy's reward for working so hard? If the chemistry is there between us. I'll match his efforts with my passion, my time and my attention...

So these are some of my favorite lines from the movie:

Mary: I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

...  

Beth: I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me.

... 

Gigi: We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.   

...

Gigi: Maybe his grandma died or maybe he lost my number or is out of town or got hit by a cab...
Alex: Or maybe he is not interested in seeing you again.

... 

Alex: So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a sh*t, he genuinely doesn't give a sh*t. No exceptions.

... 

Gigi: So what now I'm just supposed to turn from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh. Yeah!
Gigi: There's not gonna be anybody left.

...

Alex: If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.

... 

Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid sh*t but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

...

Gigi: ...But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

 -----

     In short, I literally cried my eyes out at the end of this movie. For a variety of reasons.

     Let that sink in. I cried.

     Sometimes it feels good to realize the truth. And sometimes it's a bit painful to realize the truth. And I cried.

     I'm pretty good at it. Crying. For those of you that don't know me very well, don't worry, I laugh a great deal.


     So what do you think of the tagline for this movie: "Are you the exception...or the rule?" Ooooo. I know. A bit intriguing, like a proper tagline should be.

     But seriously. Are you the exception, or the rule? Am I the exception or the rule?

     I think we both know the answer to that.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"You are terrifying and strange and beautiful,
Something not everyone knows how to love."

-Warsan Shire

Credit: Wikipedia, IMDb
Photo Credit: Darren Michaels