When You Feel Rude

     

     We have this restaurant in my hometown that my family and I love going to. But in recent years, they've hired a new hostess. Well, hostess, is a bit of a generous word. This chick couldn't be bothered with you once you enter her premises.

     I honestly have to brace myself every time I order food from this establishment, because I literally feel the urge to wrap my hands firmly around her neck wrists and tell her to just STOP IT.

     But I don't.

     And I calmly smile and pay her for being mean to me.

     One of my life messages that I love preaching about centers around the Kindness of Christ. And how we have the honor in participating and perpetuating this kindness everywhere we go. Even and especially to rude people.

     But it's no cake walk for me either. Rude people get on my nerves too.

     But I've learned to pray to see people not merely with my eyes, but through the eyes of Jesus. And that has made all the difference these last few years.

     I've found that 2 key things seem to make a person rude: 

     1. Tiredness

    2. Disappointment

    But mostly, disappointment.

    When you're tired, physically and emotionally, you simply couldn't be bothered with any one else's emotions, because you're so exhausted and wrapped up in your own. Plus, you're too tired to see that you've offended someone or not paid attention to the details. In our tired state, we tend to overlook things and become careless.

     But when we've been disappointed by life, by family, by dreams, by someone not following through on their word, or showing up on time to work for the next shift when they knew you had plans, we get heated and angry and rude.

     But it's interesting how rudeness becomes viral. Because you then take out your frustrations on unsuspecting civilians that know nothing of your past or your current dilemma/drama. Breeding inward contempt within yourself and among potential friends that you have now made enemies.

     However in these moments, don't let disappointment rule you.

     What is the one thing that can displace disappointment?

     Love.

     With that said, never ever ever forget that you are loved by God. And secondly, go visit the one person you know that loves and esteems you, so you can be reminded of the good things in life.

     Know that life doesn't end with disappointment, but there is hope and joy to be had and to be lived out, here and now. 

     And embrace Romans 8:28 afresh.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

     Rudeness is an ugly habit that can be broken.

     And it starts with our own hearts.

     I could have put my dear sweet hostess in a headlock and made her apologize, but instead, I softened my own heart by choosing to acknowledge there is something deeper going on with her, and her rudeness is just the outer symptom. She, even in her current state, is worthy of compassion and love.

     And with that, I know that God is faithful to not only meet her heart, but mine as well as I choose to grow in humility and kindness.

     Whereas rudeness tries to exercise false power. Kindness is a true and lasting force.

     Rudeness repels and leaves one isolated and estranged. When in our heart of hearts, all we are wanting and waiting for is for someone to truly care, ask us what's wrong, and hear us out.

     But, Kindness invites and solidifies all those that are connected to it. Creating a vibrant atmosphere of life and love, and leaving the beholder and bestower of such kindness more attractive and more steadfast because of it.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."

- Eric Hoffer

Guest Post: "Know You, Love You, and Be You"

     I started dating late in life. I joke I had the understanding of a 16 year old but a body of
a 25 year old. Needless to say I learned a hard lesson on how nothing good happens
after midnight. I got wrapped in a relationship without commitment and once a soul tie
was made, I lost “me” along the way. It's been a long journey that I'm still walking out
but who I am today is more gracious, loving and fearless because I've allowed myself
the grace to accept all the good, the bad and ugly.

     Here's some nuggets I've learned along my “34 year” way.

     Know you, Be you and Love you.

     You have to know who you are before you can know who you are in a relationship.
You have to be you in all your quirkiness and give them the permission to love you
just as you are. You have to truly love yourself with all your junk knowing you are a
beautiful work in progress. Being authentic with yourself gives you a healthy ability to
grow and just BE in a relationship. If you like doors to be opened don't apologize for
it, just give them grace to learn but stand your ground. If hanging with your bros is
important then stay true to that while respecting the time and needs of your girl. I am
a true believer in making what's important to them important to you but make sure you
don't lose “you” along the way. Having self-respect is one of the greatest gifts you can
give yourself and it starts with loving your beautiful, messy, honest, (sometimes) crazy,
adorable, loveable self.

    Shame is a prison but you have the keys.

     If you have gone places in the past that has brought you shame, Let It Go! Shame is
an awful thing that paralysis you from your potential. It makes you seem small when
really you are strong, able, vivacious and free. Shame defines you as “less than”,
Grace defines you with respect, honor, and worth. What you do might shape you but
it doesn't define you. Don't allow shame to steal a minute, a day, a year of your life.
Acceptance of what was and the ability to set it free will give you grace to lift up your
head in dignity and receive the love that is for you. No good comes from shame.

     What is for you will not pass you by.

     I have been trapped by fear that “IT” may never come unless I work at “it” and make
“it” happen. If I pray a little harder, dream a little bigger, focus more intently it will
suddenly manifest. But as cliché as it sounds when you least expect it, that is when
it happens. Shifting your attention off the thing is not only healthy but helpful. I think
when we want something so bad we send out this needy energy that can come across
as “too much” and unattractive. You might not say I'm desperate with your words but
it's oozing from your very being. The best way to combat “desperato-ville” is to take
your energy off “when will it come” and put it on “who you will be when it does”. I truly
believe that the right (un-perfect) but perfect for you person will come and the best
is to rest in that fact. Find new hobbies, live full adventures, make memories with the
best human beings you've surrounded yourself with and when your person comes they
will be a beautiful addition to a full life that already exist.

     You are enough. You're growing, learning, being and trusting. You are in the right
place. Shake off what was and set your soul free. Lift up your eyes and hold on to
hope. It will happen. Don't sweat it, control it, fear it or force it. Rest in the fact it WILL
come to pass and be okay that there is nothing you can do about it.

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     Kristen Joy Hilyard is a Texas based designer that over the last few years has stepped into her role as a life stylist expert. Through life experience, schooling, creativity, intuition and culture she has grown as an artist and recently launched her business 33Perspective. 

    33Perspective marries her passion for design with her desire to impact pertinent issues related to violence, isolation, and re-imagining one’s life. Each of her pieces are hand design and crafted with intention. 

     Whether stamped, beaded, sculpted or found, they are inspired with herself and others in mind. Her varied experience and influence in the entertainment industry includes the lead role in a short independent film, featured in local and national commercials, and several news segments on Fox News, Great Day Houston, Mirror Mirror, and as a co-host on a political talk show on CNN 650 Radio News. 

     Bohemian in style she frequently sports a sparkle headband with her blonde beach waves and will break out in song at any moment of the day. Spontaneous dancing usually follows…if you are lucky enough to be in her proximity, you will find yourself somewhere in her twirl. Her desire is to connect with the human spirit, and listen and decipher the intentions and hearts of all who visit her future talk show.

You can find out more about Kristen Hilyard here:  http://www.kristenjoy.com/