Friday, December 19, 2014

How to Get a Good Girl [Back]

     I did this for you. Or rather for us.

     I'm becoming more and more aware of my target audience. And it feels so good and it feels so right to address you all as Queens.

     But now I'm turning our attention to the Kings...

     I'm a little confounded when men cry out that there's no good women out there, or that all the good women are taken. Rubbish.

     They clearly haven't met you or I.  [Subtle Giggle...#Facts]

     So Fellas, here are some of the very tip-toppy ways to get a good girl on your team, in your life, like real loyal, like the status of a wife....

     (Or for some of to try and win her back...)

Let's Go:

A.  Would You "Woo-Woo-Woo..." #JeffreyOsbourne

     Get your "Woo" skills out.

     Texting and Facebook stalkery is not going to cut it here.

     Show her you want her attention. Be intentional and follow through.

     If you don't have her number, ask for it.

     If you have her number, call her (try not to email or text this whenever possible) and ask her for a date (Coffee date, lunch date, dinner date, 20 min. frozen yogurt date, drinks, etc., etc.) at least 2-3 days in advance. Last minute shenanigans shows a lack of respect for her and her time.

     We as women, love to know what we're in for, especially during the beginning stages of a relationship. And if your being wishy-washy about your Woo-Game, then you might just lose a potential Good Girl...

     If you've dated her in the past, take her to one of her favorite spots.

     And all in all, the art of wooing a woman has a lot to do with listening to her and looking her in her eyes.  Let her express her day, her hopes, her dreams, her disappointments without interruption.

     At the end of your time with her, it should be clear to her that you are saying, "You should be mine...all mine."


B.  Emotionally Invested

     Are you the guy that's been so wounded by women and people that you brood all day and play a guitar all night?

     Is your heart even open for love?

     When you as a man, choose to allow your heart to feel and not only feel, but get emotionally connected to a good girl--your life will never be the same.  #Trust

     She will fill the reservoirs of your heart with joy, encouragement, and hope for your future. She'll make sure you're on the road to reaching your dreams as well as her own.

     When you show an active interest in at least one or two things that your particular Good Girl likes to do, or her work/career grind, she will be one of your biggest cheerleaders in life.

     Furthermore, when you choose to not only invest in her personal endeavors, but to invest emotionally -- sharing your own stories, those stories that have shaped your life, whether trauma or triumph, you're letting your lady know that she's the one you're choosing to share your heart with and you want her to be a significant part of your life.


C. Compliment Her

     So yeah. That's pretty straightforward....


D.  Tell it to the World

     Sure, you can make it "Facebook Official", but more importantly, your family and close friends should know when you are really startin' to "feel" a particular Good Girl.

     And yes, there might be haters out there. And haters gon' hate.

     But when your Good Girl sees that you aren't ashamed to tell the world about your love and adoration for her, I can guarantee she's gonna want to stick around for the long run. #TeamLoyal


Bonus Material:  
     You've noticed she's sultry and cute on Instagram and looks intriguing--even on Facebook, but how do you know she's not crazy? Better yet, how do you know if she's a ride or die, legit "Good Girl?" 
How to Spot a Good Girl: 
+An online presence just isn't' going to cut it. You'll need real life experience for this. 
+You think you've spotted a Good Girl online...Well... as quick as you can, get from the virtual world to the real world. Be brave. Shoot her a message via email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. BUT be a Gentle-man about yours. And if you two have mutual friends, even better (actually PREFERRED). But start a gentle dialogue online for at least a few weeks. Ask her how her day was, what's she's looking forward to, etc. After a few weeks, if it's wise, safe, and advantageous (for BOTH involved), and she hasn't put the pause or halt on your communication, ask her for a low-key coffee date. The goal is to get from the virtual world to the real world as soon as possible, to find out the Truth: 
+ How does she talk about her friends, people in general -- if she's prone to gossip and see the worst in a given situation. All I have to say to you is: NOPE. 
+Look for the girl who is genuinely encouraging the heck out of the other ladies in the room. 
+Look in your circle of amazing friendships, often we discount our own circle of friends. But get over that awkwardness and take the leap!
+At a coffee shop, notice how your potential crush talks to the barista or cashier.
People are constantly showing you who they really are, we simply have to pay attention...#Selah

Wisdom's Knocking:

He who finds a wife, finds what is good.
And receives favor from the Lord.

- Proverbs 18:22

Thursday, December 04, 2014

Miss Independence

     I've been put into an interesting position of sorts.

     Independently dependent.

     Driving to me has always equaled autonomy and freedom.

     But recently, I've had the inconvenient luxury of having my car breakdown twice in the last few weeks. Leaving me carless for days at a time.

     But this loss of sorts has allowed for a beautiful sense of renewed independence. I'm no longer obligated to be here and there according to the whims of others or even my own whims. And at the same time, I'm humbled.

     I strangely feel like a kid again.

     As you know, God has been inviting me to rest in this season. To give rest and peace to my mind, my body, and my 2014 outcomes.

     But how does one rest in the midst of wrestling with disappointment and pain?

     To be more specific, what's it like being single during the holidays? Many of you already know, but for those that don't know or remember what it's like to be single this time of year, let me give you a quick debrief:

     Being single during the holidays is conflicting at best.

     Yes, I've accomplished goals, I have great family and friends, I've been a champion of sorts in my own life and for others, I make adventure a weekly, if not daily habit, but yet, among the many wins and grateful heart, there's still what feels to be an in-your-face, gaping loss. There's a hole of sorts.

     For someone like me, who is not only in love with the wedding, but marriage itself, and beyond that--a legacy. To be withheld the very thing you feel called to as human, is heartbreaking and aching to say the least.

     And yet, we continue on.

     We write, we design, we dance, we sing, we construct, we put in long hours, we pray.

     Many of us brave and beautiful 21st century single people are ready and willing to love you with our whole heart when we see you. We are ready to find new things to explore, to step out alone in our respective roads of dreams and destiny, we are ready to encourage you in your own promised land, and we wield hope as our weapon of choice.

     Yet inasmuch as one tries to deny it with the activities of a purpose driven life, there's still pain in that place of our hearts that is hoping to hold the hand of the one we love, cherish, and honor solely. The one in which new traditions are intricately and profoundly made.

     The road for us brave single folk, especially during the holidays, tends to get very suspect during the holidays.

     With that said, you'll not be surprised to know that I literally broke down crying in a restaurant yesterday with one of my good friends.

     Like snot-and-tears-crying in a respectable establishment. I cried in my friends arms unashamed for a good few minutes. (Clearly I've found a new level of freedom by forgoing my pride.) And then she began to speak life over me.

     You see, this whole business of "Letting Him Live" (the small man crush I acquired but am now letting go of...and giving it over to God) and remaining hopeful regarding my own love story does take its toll at the most inconvenient of times. #restaurantbreakdowns

     Instead of feeling restful in this season, I've felt whip-lashed and wrung out. I couldn't hold it in anymore. And no one quite understands the pain I'm talking about unless you have been single for quite some time or recently had your heart broken.

     Someone I respect stated that waiting on God to bring about our "One",  is one of the hardest things that we will ever do. Because we are believing God to do something so profound and something we have never seen Him do in our lives ever before and hopefully doesn't need to do again (#butreallythough).

     And so here I am, submitting to the wait.

     Being independent by choosing to be dependent on God.

     I know that God is not cruel, and hasn't placed a desire in our hearts for love and romance with plans to withhold it forever.

     God's track record with me and my life, proves that He is not just a promise maker, but God is also promise Keeper.

     And tonight, I'm feeling freedom in the most vulnerable of ways.

     I'm reminded that I don't control everything, even in an array of opportunities I may create, I on a daily basis must be willing to let go, and let God.

     Independence to me in this holiday season, simply means Trust.

     The one thing that God asked me to do in this season (especially regarding love and romance) was simply to believe.

     So as I believe for my love story, I'm also believing for yours.

     Love is not a finite resource. 

     Even if you're married, have found "the One", or are still waiting, the well of love has not been exhausted for you.

     And I pray that this holiday season, you gain a new sense of independence.

     The type of independence that reminds you of being a kid again--in the best sense.

     That time in our lives when we weren't called to worry over every detail and its manifestation, but to simply live believing we are loved and will always be taken care of ---even the weightier matters of our hearts being taken care of--always.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.”

Luke 18:15-17 (NASB)