A Rant

Stop trying so hard to not have ambition. With that energy you could have had your dreams by now.

Photo Credit: Daniella Hovsepian

How Quickly

Photo Credit: Dan Molitor

     How quickly we can forget those deep lessons that we've learned. That's why it becomes more and more important to be a student. To always learn. To be moldable, to take in new information or often information that was lost. And to know when to act upon it.

     It's like, when you stop doing an old habit, that thing that seemed ever so familiar and routine, once it's been stopped and weeks have passed, it's like you never knew how you once did that thing or you somehow forget the lesson that was learned.

     As I skim some of my old blog posts, I read my words with a sense of surprise and revelation. Did I write that? Did I learn that? I don't remember learning that? Did I really feel that way? And the answer to all of those questions is a resounding yes.

     And once again, I'm learning.

     We're about to hit the half way mark of 2012. Can you believe it? It's about to be June. And now we stand and watch and wait, to see if the promises of this year will hold up.

     I can honestly say that I've learned more--or rather, put into practice more of what I've learned in this year, than the past few years combined.

     I'm learning to trust again. And to trust when God is speaking.

     The last post was titled, "Ominous", and although no one died, my car did get towed yesterday. I know. Weird. It was a surreal situation. Perhaps I'll share the story later...

      But I was prepared for such a juke move. Some practical things were put in place (ie: Emergency Fund--If you don't know about Dave Ramsey yet, you need to. The end.) and I didn't have some crazy emotional breakdown. In fact, I felt an upsurgence of peace during the whole ordeal. So yes, maybe there was a particular "death" to an area of my finances, but there was a quick sense of resurrection. It did my heart good.

     And now I'm a bit nervous and expectant of the things that are to come in this second half of the year. But I'll be sure to share the highs and the lows as we make this fresh start.

Wisdom's Knocking: 

Things are often set in its place, only to move again.

Ominous

Photo Credit: Josh Einwechter

     Sometimes I give away my love too freely. But isn't that the way it's supposed to be. I think I'd wear it--you know--Love, this way forever. The only thing is, I'd rather not be so freakin awkward.

    Speaking of awkward, let me do a quick transition into the vibe that I'm feeling right now. That feeling that something horrible is impending. I know. Here I go keeping it light and bright.

     But seriously, something is up. I don't want to creep you out, but I get these "Death" feelings. Yes, similar to how cats can "sense" death, or so we think. I start to get this weird feeling in my bones. No. Not my bones literally, metaphorically. When I was younger I used to shrug it off, but through a series of life experiences, I've learned to pay attention to these feelings.

     I've been wrestling with myself this past week and trying to eliminate any other possible scenarios, like: Is it that time of the month? Am I holding anger and bitterness against someone? Did I feel threatened by someone? Did someone steal my cupcakes? Etc. etc. Nope, nope.

      In fact, this week has been stellar on so many fronts, except this weird vibe I can't shake.

     Needless to say, I'm praying through it. But I have a feeling time will reveal what's urking my spirit...

Wisdom's Knocking:

Although the problem may be ever present, the solution is also ever so close to you.

Out of the Shadows

Photo Credit: Josh Einwechter

     I quite enjoy being a behind-the-scenes person. And I have such a soft spot in my heart for all 'behind-the-scenes' and background performers: Musicians, Dancers, Cinematographers, Directors, and the like.

     I'm much more comfortable watching and observing, and then writing and processing those events that I experience.

     But time and time again (And now a bit more frequently), there comes a specific opportunity, a moment, where I'm asked to step outside of the shadows. Instead of being the observer, I become the observed. Instead of the student, the teacher.

     I cannot tell you how uncomfortable such a change in position makes me feel. Partly because we are creatures of habit and comfortability. And we'd rather stay in the place that we know. The place in which we know that we cannot necessarily fail or be seen being a failure.

     But I'm learning more and more to not succumb to my own intimidation, and to not be paralyzed by the potential of being misunderstood.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

     I've started a new TV show this month. I'm surrounded by strong personalities and renowned go-getters. These folks aren't shy. I almost want to crawl into my blankie and hide, or watch a good foreign film with a cup of good tea and not think about those things that challenge me, ignoring those things that force me to grow in new and unexpected ways.

     But I remain present.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

     Now is not the time to waiver. Hesitation may get you killed.

     I'm learning to be more forthcoming, and at the same time, kind. Vocal, yet still a great listener. Opinionated, while still just. Firm, yet loving.

Breathe in. Breath out.

     One must remember: When coming out of the shadows, the light awaits.

Wisdom's Knocking:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost

Tick-Tock

Photo Credit: Jennifer Glasgow

     I've told you before about my own despondency regarding 2012. One camp claiming it's about to be the end of the world as we know it, and another camp claiming apathy---

     But then...there's another camp.

     The camp that is firmly believing there is something special about this year, something divinely being set in place; not just affecting the macro, but the micro.

     And now, as I prepare for the half-year recap, I notice that there has been an accelerated progress of sorts over my life in these last 5 months. You know. You've been kindly holding my hand this year as I journeyed through the ups and downs of defeat, disappointment, humility, surrender, and freedom.

     And like a rushing wind, dreams--like heart dreams long lost, tucked away in some treasure chest discovered deep, deep, deep in a soft blue sea, have resurfaced miraculously. I've stopped trying to control everything, and I've stopped trying to over compensate in trying to please everyone. Those swifty motives revealed itself in my own undealt with jealousy, contempt, and fear.  

     But now the treasure chest has arrived. Above the surface. 

     God has been getting me ready. Has been getting you ready. Has been getting us ready.

Wisdom's Knocking:

You haven't been forgotten about. The desert road is not a punishment, but a gift...Sometimes the shortest distance is not the best way to get you to your destination...

Let Me See You

Photo Credit: Jeehye Kim

My mom is generally excited about life. Like all the time.

I thought this was normal until I met other moms. 

It's not.

I often wondered where I got this Joie de vivre, this zest for life from. 

And then I look up and watch this woman try and do the tootsie roll. In the kitchen. Because she can. Oh yeah, that woman is my mom.

And if that's my inheritance, I'll gladly take it.

Wisdom's Knocking:

Don't wait for the opportunity to dance, just because you don't hear music...