A once great philosopher said, "You can either be funny or you can be cool..."--Tracy Morgan.
I'd rather be funny.
But why? As I sit in a small make-shift home office/storage closet, I quickly see the humor. I'm done trying to be cool or trying to prove something. But maybe, I'm not. On the insecure radar, (which starts at 1 and goes to -10) I'm feeling a bit like -5. Not quite depressed, but enough to want to eat a couple of bars of chocolate. Somehow, tonight, I don't feel like quite enough. Although...in my mind, I process the complete opposite--"You're amazing champ". Yes, I'm a bit of a looney tune.
The quest to be cool, is much like the quest of significance and fame. It can be counter intuitive--Like the man who says he's full of humility. You and your creativity want to be seen and truly known by many, with fame. But the more fame one attains, the more estranged one can become to real and meaningful relationships and truthful interpretations of their creativity.
We all long for significance, but we also long to be remembered--A bit of legacy, if you will. For now, we may have a bit of significance, but will we truly be remembered? Relationships help to foster legacy and remembrance...The notion: "I need you to honestly remind me of who I am, when the days come that I would forget." These authentic relationship would be the ones to tell the world of who you really were and the impact you've had on their lives. And we're back to this whole idea of relationships, friendships, and community. I'm reminded of how important they are, but alas, I'm in a room by myself and I want to do a bit more self-examining.
So maybe, me trying to be funny, is me trying to be cool. Yeah, that's probably the more honest assessment. So it looks like I'm right back to where I started--Unsure and a bit insecure, but I'm pretty sure I want to be funny. It's much easier for me to do, plus it probably makes me sound more humble.
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