Wanting To Hide

There are those moments in life where one feels blatantly inadequate. Regardless of how amazing everyone will quickly say you are, your poise is still in that of doubt. What is this is this cloak we choose to snuggle in? In the end, it's not a cloak at all, but a metal and awkward armor that hides the softness and strength of who we really are. Yes, protection is necessary, but not at the expense that it restricts movement. What good is armor if you can't walk or run in it--and preferably in the direction of forward.

This year, my unnecessary armor has come down. I feel quite naked at times. But a rush of belief and beauty quickly sweep in to surround and comfort me. The desire to hide many times is our call to truly be seen and pursued. Many times we can just as easily be afraid of the good as we are the bad.

It is now Autumn. And I am grateful that this year did not look like the last. I'm grateful that I have been able to break free of certain hindrances and remove another layer of masks. And I'm so incredibly curious to see how God will "complete" that which He has started in us.

Seek and you shall find...yes, even those hidden things.

Bearings

It's in this time that I'm not quite sure what to feel or for that matter what to even expect. It almost seems like an unavoidable descent of sorts. It's much more uncomfortable than free falling. It's like this weird sense of controlled chaos.

I was listening to a message yesterday from Ravi Zacharias. I love that man, by the way. I wrestled with the slogan of his ministry. "What I believe in my heart must make sense in my mind." But yes, that seems to be our constant journey. And yet we believe that God's ways are higher than our ways and that even in the midst of chaos, He provides a peace that surpasses all understanding. How do I wrap my mind around that and yet still become settled within my mind.

It's true. I do not believe God is frantic. I believe He rests in perfectly clarity. I also believe that this clarity in rest is extended to all of us as well. But for me, in this season, I have had trouble gathering my bearings. It's one of the most frustrating things. I simply want things to slow down and get into proper perspective. But instead I find myself blank, almost above emotions in a some sort of fog.

But back to Ravi's message. He suggested that we could be afraid of the good. But the way in which he described this feeling wasn't what i had normally heard. It was the nitty reality of how many times the good can open itself to things that scare us equally as if evil had entered into the room and how do we deal with that?

Learning, learning, learning. This is truly a journey not a destination.

My love is being set free and I'm learning to be. May my heart reflect the truth and true of essence of Thee.