Bearings

It's in this time that I'm not quite sure what to feel or for that matter what to even expect. It almost seems like an unavoidable descent of sorts. It's much more uncomfortable than free falling. It's like this weird sense of controlled chaos.

I was listening to a message yesterday from Ravi Zacharias. I love that man, by the way. I wrestled with the slogan of his ministry. "What I believe in my heart must make sense in my mind." But yes, that seems to be our constant journey. And yet we believe that God's ways are higher than our ways and that even in the midst of chaos, He provides a peace that surpasses all understanding. How do I wrap my mind around that and yet still become settled within my mind.

It's true. I do not believe God is frantic. I believe He rests in perfectly clarity. I also believe that this clarity in rest is extended to all of us as well. But for me, in this season, I have had trouble gathering my bearings. It's one of the most frustrating things. I simply want things to slow down and get into proper perspective. But instead I find myself blank, almost above emotions in a some sort of fog.

But back to Ravi's message. He suggested that we could be afraid of the good. But the way in which he described this feeling wasn't what i had normally heard. It was the nitty reality of how many times the good can open itself to things that scare us equally as if evil had entered into the room and how do we deal with that?

Learning, learning, learning. This is truly a journey not a destination.

My love is being set free and I'm learning to be. May my heart reflect the truth and true of essence of Thee.

Anger Love Ramalama

Wow. A Promised Land sure does come with a lot of adventure and frustration at times. I feel like I'm in some sort of whirlwind. At times it's a bit overwhelming, and I must remind myself: You have already been prepared for this.

What is it about true love that challenges you to become a better you, as stronger you, a much more courageous you. And no, I'm not just talking about the romantic type of love, but a love that at times calls you to something higher, and in our frailty we get upset and even angry because we are not living at such heights as of yet.

Just when I reached a level of comfortability in my own skin, everything changes once again. I feel a bit out of my element. Which in essence is so good, because I am finally able to face those things that once had me bound in fear. This summer is much more than what it would at first appear to be. Yes, things will reach a new potential--wiping away the remnants of winter. But once again, things will prepare to fall as autumn is ushered in. A new me will emerge, I'm almost sure of it.

Don't stop if you feel revisited by anger. It is our heavy reminder of how desperate we are for love--to have it, to be it, to be in it, to experience it fully.

"...Hearing only one root note
Planted firmly in the ground
Undo my heart, unzip my body and
Lend to my ear a clear and a deafening sound..."