It was nice to go out yesterday. I mean, I like hibernation just as much as the next bear. But there is something to be said with having a new level of sanity and security of which I don't think I had much to do with.
No, seriously. This late summer and fall has been my "Joseph's Pit"--so close to the Palace, but stuck underground. But at the same time, as frail as I feel, a new grace abounds.
It's fun to pray with or for people in this season. I usually feel nothing special. No tingles, no gold dust, no nothin. But what comes out of my mouth surprises me-- Everytime. I'm like, "What did I just say...and how did I know that about you??" And on the other end, His Sweet Holy Spirit has caught us both up before we can say, 'Whodunnit'.
There are so many things that seem quite outrageous to me. All around me, there are big decisions being made, in the macro and micro of things. Many decisions of which I'm confused by, but not entirely upset...disappointed maybe...but not fully upset.
And even in my own mind, I'm wrestling. Sometimes I'm by myself, sometimes with an Angel, but most of the time with this being we call God. There are so many times that I want to say in my best Ricky Ricardo voice..."Joo haf sum explanin to DO!" Like really, it's okay to let me in on your universally cosmic detailed planned. Just tell me already. Why are things going down this way and not that way.
Why is love looking so much different to me now then when I was 8 years old or 16 or 21 even? And is a dream really a wish your heart makes and can it really come true?
Stories, stories, stories.
Our lives and relationships are sustained because of them. Good stories bring inspiration and Bad stories can defame character, spread gossip, and fantastical rumors. All of which affect how you see me and how I see you.
And to think, I'm waiting on a story. A story that will shift my own heart to believe simply in the beauty of life and the reality of the more. Because then, that story will infect my community, my friends, my family, even the love of my life.
It's true. We're all waiting for our grand story in a way. But what if you are already in it. The 'waiting' is not a sphere void of existence and purpose, in fact, I'm thinking, that's when the most action is happening, especially in our hearts.
So last night, when I went out, I was aware.
I was aware that the story is being told even now.
And at the end of the night, knowing that, allowed me another sweet night's sleep at the bottom of the pit.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Posted by Patrice at 4:34 PM
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Could it be, would it be, more than what you think of me.
Sing songs around me, write poems about me.
But trusting and knowing that there is more.
Feels ethereal. I'm right here.
Feels convoluted. But I'm right here.
Feels repetitive. And still I'm here.
In essence, it's all the same and different.
Posted by Patrice at 9:33 PM