Thursday, January 31, 2008


Have you heard Selah from Lauryn Hill? It's a couple years old, but dang. I miss Lauryn. I know there's been all kinds of rumors about her state of mind, but I simply see her as a prodigy working things out like the rest of us. But in the midst of her journey, she still manages to have a song like Selah. Amazing.

That song represents what 2007 was like for me. It reminds me of the goodness of Him, the love that's seems too good, almost too good to be true. But the more I press into such love, my hesitation subsides and I allow myself to truly live.


Saturday, January 19, 2008


Okay, before I lose the nerve to say this...

I loved this movie.

Either you love it or hate it. Yeah, because in the movie theatre that I saw it in, people basically booed at the end and said something to the effect of wanting their money back. Classic.

I won't give any spoilers away, so you can keep reading this.

What stood out to me the most was the theme. Yes, there is a purposed theme running throughout that movie like cinema clock work. And that theme spoke to me. It truly resonated with me in a strong way. But for the masses, everyone sort of by passed that level of the film and hungered for more guts, more explanation, more...something.

But to me, at the end of the movie the statement had been made. To Drew Goodard (the writer of the film): I think I got it.

So if you're not too prone to motion sickness, and you like kick butt sound design, some old fashioned editing tricks, and are prepared to suspend your disbelief in a new way, then you should definitely see this film.

I was definitely present every minute of this film. It engaged my senses in a new way, definitely had to pay attention and get into the world of this movie.

Oh, and don't forget to look beyond the surface of the action of the story, it's below that aspect that you'll tap into something that I think will resonate with your heart, maybe even causing you to reflect a little bit and learn something new.

But then again, you might be the one who throws popcorn at the screen when it's over.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I'm Here

If I didn't write my worth down, would you forget who I am.

If I didn't show up for the party would you remember I can.

If I didn't proclaim my greatness, would you still seek my mysteries.

And if I didn't remind you that I am here, would you still find time for me.

This billboard I carry of my own advert slows me down but keeps me active.

But I'm ready to shed such promotion for something real and much less frantic.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


That word just popped into my head just now. And the thought of the recent (or not so recent, depending on perspective) movie The Holiday with Jude Law was connected heavily to that word gumption.

In the one of the scenes with Kate Winslet and Eli Wallach, he mentions the word gumption, and later prods her to not become merely the best friend but the leading lady, by asserting such strength and attitude.

With all these new steps ahead of me, I hear a sweet voice, possibly similar to Eli's, encouraging me forward in the world of possibilities and impossibilities.

Monday, January 07, 2008


It seems as if I'm relishing the notion of getting back to basics. Yeah, yeah--maybe because it's the new year. Nonetheless, I'm reconnecting with those things that bring me peace and joy.

Yesterday, was such a beautiful day. It rained and rained. Not in that sort of depressing "rain rain go away" sort of way. But it rained in the "rain rain come and stay and wash away causing rainbows and new days" type of rain.

I spent the evening with a sweet friend. We watched Sense and Sensibility. I gathered revelation after revelation watching that movie for the umpteenth time. But what I loved the most was the time I spent with this friend. I wasn't caught up in trying to entertain or impress, we simply spent time together enjoying Emma's beautiful portrayal of sensibility and the many layers of such a disposition.

In the midst of watching this film, I was very present. Meaning, I was able to soak up the entire experience without any anxiety or rush. I felt no need to check my cell phone ever or to cap my time in fear that we would have nothing left to do or talk about. Instead, there was an easy flow. The kind that only comes when you are free and allow liberty to dictate your attitude and emotions.

We capped the night by watching amazing clips on You Tube. The IT Crowd. David, if you're reading this, you have to catch this show. Of course, it's a brainchild of the British. I'm told there were two seasons on BBC and that was it. Now, the U.S. will make its own version of this hilarious comedy. I'm not quite sure how the American version will go over. But The Office has made a huge name for itself here after being the remake of the original BBC version. For some reason, I'm sort of married to the BBC version, never allowing myself to fully be taken over by the American version.

I have digressed. Typical.

A lot had changed by the end of the day. Something had changed within me. And at night, as I drove an hour back to my home, it began to snow in certain parts of my journey. Smiling ear to ear and not afraid of crashing in the snow, I was truly thankful for the simple things.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

No Lights, Bring Light

There are loads of things going on in the planet right this minute, but only two things seem to take precedent. Britney Spears' horrible meltdown and the Californian winter storm.

I'll focus more on the latter, yet I think both subjects do deserve some sort of commentary.

So, the power went out last night in my desert land. It was out for about an hour. Good Lord, an hour never felt so long before. After the family and I gathered some candles, we all went to our respective rooms and sat under candle light. Candle got me thinking...The age before electricity was so incredibly different then our world today I gather that there was less noise than today, an atmosphere to help support the quieting of the soul. It seems as if we don't know how to use silence to our benefit these days. There's always something buzzing...always something on. It's become a comforting whisper. But take all that away, all that fidget, all that noise, and a bit of anxiety creeps in knowing that your trust and security was not in something solid at all, but mostly temporary at best.

So I decided to read. I'm continuing to read this book titled, "Dreaming with God". It's truly fascinating and tends to probe and possibly irritate at times the deep things of the heart. I think that everyone wants to be not just a dreamer, but a good or even great dreamer. That sort of continually reaching for more, envisioning higher, in turn, changes us in the process. We become strong again, loving again, courageous again. But if we never choose to stretch that muscle, the atrophy will grip us, making us slaves to fear.

Anyway...In the dark, under candle light, I had this thought:

What would everyone in the world do if there was no power for one whole hour. How would that one hour shape our lives, shape the community. Would fear and looting be ushered in right away, or would patience and hope settle? Right now, just thinking off the top of my head, I think that something ridiculous and harmful would surface, and rather fast.

But if we knew ahead of time that we would have no power for an hour, how would we prepare, what things would we plan on doing in that time frame. I have a feeling that those would be the things that actually matter most in our lives.

Electricity has changed everything--from technology to our sleeping patterns (we now stay up much later, verses back in the day, when a majority of people went to sleep after sunset). We don't know what electricity is really, but it's such an integral part of our lives.

But take away that 'light', and what light to we bring to this era?

Friday, January 04, 2008


I'm in the process of some pre-production for my next documentary. It feels really good to start something new, something fresh. I'm realizing that I love my process of creating. It's very simple. It involves me, the internet, loads of magazines, a glue stick, and a composition notebook.

In this process I'm learning to create again. I'm seeing what things catch my interest these days.

This next documentary I'm working on will be about love--more specifically romantic love. As most of you know that's something that I'm passionate about.

Right now, I'm trying to find the hook. Moreover, I'm trying to envision the cast. Because I feel that is where the story lies. I'm very close to it; I'm close to seeing the full vision for this story.

As well as planning this feature documentary, I hope to create some music video treatments. I miss writing and directing in that medium.

Not related to anything I've stated thus far, but I love British accents. So much so, I remember years ago, telling a best friend of mine that I wanted to marry someone with that particular accent, or at someone who could fake it pretty well. And now you've been exposed to the random ramblings of my mind.

Today is Friday, it feels very calm. Very. Maybe because the hustle of the holidays are over. Nonetheless, it's helping me to focus and feel unrestricted.

I just had this thought--or question...Is there something you're wanting to start? Are you waiting for all the perfect conditions? I hope not. Now is the time, and rarely are there perfect conditions, in fact, it's usually in the worst conditions that you become inspired with the greatest and most grand ideas. I hope today we both take a step closer to something we dream of. Sometimes it's as simple as just doing it.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Even After, or Ever After

What keeps us believing that something good is on the horizon. Is it our personalities? Half full vs. Half empty. Or is it truly the 'knowing' that something beautiful and intriguing is around the corner.

Hope. It is a powerful thing. With it dreamers are born, without it desperation abounds.

In 2007, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my soul. I felt tested to the limit. It's always been a bit natural for me to be a dreamer, to believe in the impossible. But in 2007 that was tested in ways that I could have never imagined. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer. Young couples that I know and love going through divorces. Another best friend and I parted ways. And alas, I did not buy my wedding dress.

I found strength in solace, a new type of solitude. This way, this world of solitude was brand new. I'm a people person. I'm a promoter of community. But this journey, like for Frodo, was for me and me alone. Oh how it tested me. It was a constant wrestling and wrenching--pushing me towards strength, refining me in a new standard of beauty and grace. And mostly, I can thank forgiveness.

That has been my sword in 2007, and I imagine that it will continue to be a major weapon for the rest of my life. Forgiving. Letting it become habit. Not in the manner of me becoming a doormat; but in the manner of me becoming a better lover.

Many many things that I believed for in 2007 did not happen. But I'm stubborn. I'm so stubborn and persistent. I'm not even quite sure why. I can't fully turn it off. Nor do I think I want to. I still long to be a dreamer. But more than that, I long to be a dreamer who's dreams manifest. Inspiring myself and others to reach continually for something higher, something beyond ourselves.

It's funny. Not funny ha-ha, but funny in an oxymoronic type of way. I write this particular blog on the heels of yet another heartbreak. I had affections towards a certain individual who in the back of my mind seemed a bit out my league--so I told myself. And whether it became a self fulfilling prophecy or simply the way it tis, I was rejected. Not simply rejected on a romantic level, for he never knew of my feelings, but rejected on a friendship level as well. Meaning, he had no desire whatsoever to know my name, my likes, my dislikes, etc. I devoted a small yet significant month with growing affections towards this person, only to have the door slammed in my face about three times.

Mind you, this person is way too young and immature for me. But you toss those small imperfections aside when filled with dreams and fantasies of a life lived with this person you barely know.

But even after the sting of an emotional door breaking your nose, one can still heal, and rather quickly.

I want this year to be about the Ever After and not so much about the recovery after bad events. I need a good year, not just a good day. I feel you need the same.

Life is meant to be full, and right now I feel a bit starved.

This is not so much resolution as it is a prophetic statement. This will be a year of congratulations. Everywhere we go, there will be something beautiful and amazing to celebrate.

I'll direct my first feature length documentary by myself, meaning not with a co-director. What a huge step for me.

I'll be moving once again.

I'll travel internationally once again.

I'll laugh more than ever.

I'll love hard.

And I'll continue to explore the depths of expression within me.

I'll love hard.

I'll take risks.

I'll be myself.

I'll choose faith over fear.

I'll choose faith over fear.

2008 will not be about the "I'm okay...even after." No. It will be about our lives...Ever After.